review: Mini-Manor

My unusually high charisma has once again caused a free gift to arrive:

The Mini-Manor showed up unexpectedly yesterday.  I want to review it in depth, but the big reveal is too cool, so there's only so much detail I'll give you.  Plus, you can just check it our yourself - Tim Shorts offered it up as freely downloadable PDF for Swords & Wizardry Appreciation Day, and it's available at Gothridge Manor..

a. The magic items are all new, there's plenty of them, and they're very imaginative
b. Solo adventure for a 5th level shmoe.  He's probably going to die, because this adventure is tough. He wakes up in a cell, with a bunch of other shmoes, and there's some jerk cutting those other guys' faces off.  The point of the adventure:  beat that guy to death with a nearby severed arm, and then get out of the dungeon alive
c. A twist at the end!  Hahaha on you, player!  If the poor guy survives that long, of course...

I like it a lot, and it's a free gift, so bonus.

Note to Ferrari dealerships - I will also review cars, if one were to mysteriously arrive in my driveway.

Splitting the loot - the manufacture of a codpiece

I had the party negotiate the loot-splitting from the last session via email.  Here's the results:

The blue pearl fetches 300 gp in the jewel markets of the Bazaar Incomparable.

The gold-and-lapis-lazuli death mask is worth 1500 gp in the antique markets of the Bazaar.

Razoe feels a strange kinship with the half-dissolved skull of Netal, and honors it by turning it into a codpiece. He contracts Lemno Smung, proprietor of Inappropriate Engravings and Inlays, to add the gold filigree and jade inlays. It is a truly magnificent and bizarre codpiece, and Razoe reverently presents it to Mongo as a gift. It produces no reaction bonuses, as the fine craftsmanship is offset by the grisly nature of the artifact.

Gutboy negotiates with Davrik Lerdingfast, weapons collector on the sale of the drum-robot. Davrik is unimpressed, as it doesn't have lots of spikes and gun barrels protruding from it, and the deal is struck for a measly 200 gp.  Davrik asks Gutboy if he's planning on mounting an expedition to retrieve the tank from the Livid Fens anytime soon.

The Glove of Mesmeric Dancing is sold to bloated dance school instructor Ab-lee Mueller, who hopes to use it to lead her young proteges to victory in the Denethix All-City Regionals. It fetches 500 gp.

Gutboy is able to sell back his plate mail at 75%, due to its near-pristine condition. The armorer assumes that it was put on display in a parlor. That fetches 338 gp. He now wears the magnificent plate mail, and has an additional -1 bonus to reaction checks. As a citizen, this equates to a total -3 reaction bonus with the Unyielding Fist, and with the Exalted and Chosen Brethren.

Razoe now possesses the Metal Axe.

Here is the XP split:

Razoe - 200 xp from a prior adventure, plus 750 xp for spending 750 gold
Mongo, Gutboy, George - 454 xp, 516 gp
Henchmen - 227 xp, 258 gp

Overall, the orange musclehead with the jade skull codpiece, the glittering armor of Citizen Gutboy, and the talking dog with the top hat, cape, and entourage are making your adventuring party both well-known and easily recognized. The entire party, plus dog-citizen Rufus II, receives an invitation to a soiree being held by Mormod Waginski, an Exalted and Chosen Brother and noted big game hunter. Each invitation has been inscribed with a hot-knife onto a square of velociraptor hide.

session recap, 4/9/2013

CAST
--------
Mongo the Fighter (4), his henchwoman "Bunny" the Thief (3), and his soil-bearers Malazar and someone whose name I have forgotten
Gutboy the Cleric (5), his henchman Trezgar the Elf (1) and his blink dog Rufus II
George P. Burdell the Cleric (4) and his henchmen, Slick Eddie the Thief (2) and Relgar the Elf (1)

The party stood about the magical fountain room on the third level.  Continuity errors are possible - I have no idea if they made it back to the city or not the last time.  Whatever.  They were probably headed back here anyways. So, in the dungeon:

The party began a careful survey of the oddly shaped fountain room, and discovered patterns in the map that suggested a secret door to the south. There were manipulations of a nymph sculpted into the southern wall, and lo and behold, a secret door did in fact open.

Beyond, they found a room with tattered, colorless tapestries, and a magnificent set of armor upon a display stand.  The armor was covered with gold filigree and dotted with emeralds - this was easily the most valuable treasure they had yet come across within the dungeon.  Another passage led to a dusty room with a spiral staircase leading down into the depths.  The decision was made to continue exploring the third level, rather than risk the dangers lying below.

Heading out of the fountain room complex, they struck off down some unexplored corridors and came across a corpse floating in a flooded room.  The body was bloated, and wore a red zippered jack, black leather pants, black fedora, and a single white sequined glove (which George quickly pocketed). Searching the jacket revealed a laminated card with the following instructions: "Go up stairs to room with eight exits. Take southwest exit. Don’t disturb anything, it’s all trapped. Eventually reach room with two northwest corridors, take the left corridor. Past the room full of purple spikes is the Tomb of Metal."

Ahh - a goal!  Gutboy vociferously argued the merits of seeking the treasure, seeing as it was on the far safer second level. There was little confidence in heading deeper without Razoe to assist with combat, so the decision was made - to the Tomb of Metal!

Along the way, the party defeated a stony camouflaged creature laying across a staircase, and then met a group of humanoids with black smoke pouring from sores in their skin - they identified themselves as Dark Smokers, merchants from Bartertown on the fourth level.  Negotiations were made, and the party let the Smokers copy their dungeon maps (with routes leading to the surface world) in exchange for a 300 gp blue pearl.  The Smokers also told the party how to reach both Bartertown and the fifth level, by passing through an outpost of the Hinge-Headed - but they would need a pass from the Hinge-Headed to do so.

They bid the Dark Smokers adieu, and headed up, fighting a trio of aerial jellyfish encountered on the way.  Once they reached the pit of purple crystals, they were left with a conundrum - how to get across.  Eventually they decided on knocking the pins from the hinges from a few of the wooden doors in the dungeon, and laying them across the crystals - the points of the crystal spikes should sink into the wood a bit and hold the doors in place.

Noisy dungeon deconstruction began - and attracted unwanted attention.  An 8' tall naked clown charged into the room, holding a massive tankard of liquor and a poisonous snake.  He shouted "I FINALLY FOUND YOU! DIE, THIEVES!" and rushed the party.  Sadly, Fat Grundle lost initiative - Gutboy's magic paralyzed the giant clown, while Relgar put the pit viper to sleep with his elven necromancy.  The clown was then slain and disemboweled - but all they found inside was the semi-dissolved skull of Netal the Elf blocking the clown's large intestine.  It was taken as a grim memento of their fallen comrade.

The plan to cross the pit of purple crystals with dungeon doors was successful.  Beyond, they fought off a trio of drum-bodied robots and played Smoke on the Water to open the entrance to the Tomb of Metal.  Inside the Tomb were seven statues, which were quickly identified by Mongo as rock'n'roll stars from millenia ago.  As he named them one by one, a pink glow surrounded him, and with the last naming a giant skeleton in spiked armor appeared, proclaiming "You are worthyyyyyy..."  Lightning danced around the illiterate fighter as he chose to increase his already prodigious Strength with the power of Metal.

Some side rooms were investigated, and another musical puzzle was solved, causing a secret door to slide open.  Past the door, down a few more stairs, and a sarcophagus was found - inside, a skeleton with a gold-and-lapis-lazuli death mask gripped a mighty chrome battle axe with a four-stringed haft.  Shockingly, the skeleton didn't rise up and attack, and the tomb was looted safely.

Gutboy grew obsessed with the notion of taking one of the drum robots back to town to sell to Davrik Lerdingfast. The weight and hassle of carrying the robot slowed the party down as they left the dungeon and wandered through the wilderness, leading to the following encounters:

- Ten Painted Men
- Nine Flying Vampiric Piranhas
- 6 Moktars
- Another Moktar war-band, heard at a distance and avoided
- 7 buffoonish farmers' sons, looking for the city slickers that done run off with their sisters

Bruised and battered, they made it back to Denethix without any casualties, marking this as the most successful session to date.  A quick visit to Frondgar the elven sage revealed that the sequined glove had the power to make all onlookers dance uncontrollably for as long the wearer danced, and the axe was the mighty Metal Axe of legend - in the hands of a trained fighter/musician, and with the proper songs learned, its metal tones had potent magical powers.

Gains: jeweled plate mail (4500 gp), the King of Pop's ruined clothing, gloves of mesmeric dancing, blue pearl (300 gp), Netal's half-digested skull, increased Strength for Mongo, gold-and-lapis-lazuli death mask (1500 gp), the Metal Axe
Kills: stair constrictor, 3 aerial jellyfish, Fat Grundle, pit viper, 3 drum automatons, 10 painted men, 9 flying vampiric piranha, 6 moktars, 7 farmers' sons
Losses: none

Petty Gods got some Wolfe!

So I am beyond psyched that somehow Tavis Allison got Gene Wolfe to submit material for Petty Gods (click here). He's not just great in the genre - he's one of the finest authors in the English language, period. And I get to have my crappy little material nestled up in the pages with him!

The original Petty Gods PDF has been released as well, and is available at Gorgonmilk's blog.  I've only looked at it briefly, and what I've seen so far is pretty good - I can use these guys without modification. And what greater praise is there than that?

Happy Easter!

Happy Easter everyone!

After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb. There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men.

The angel said to the women, "Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.' Now I have told you."

So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples. Suddenly Jesus met them. "Greetings," he said. They came to him, clasped his feet and worshiped him. Then Jesus said to them, "Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me."

Matthew 28:1-10

session recaps, 3/7/2013 and 3/14/2013

CAST
--------
Mongo the Fighter (4), his henchpersons "Bunny" the Thief (3) and William the Sentinel (2), and his soil-bearers Malazar and someone whose name I have forgotten
Gutboy the Cleric (5), his henchman Trezgar the Elf (1) and his blink dog Rufus II
George P. Burdell the Cleric (4) and his henchmen, Slick Eddie the Thief (2) and Relgar the Elf (1)
Razoe the Fantra Paladin (3) and his henchmen Skwisgar the Elf(1) and Boxer the Fighter (1)

A two-part session recap.

Mongo and Razoe were bumming around Denethix, when the peculiar notion to get rich or die trying in a subterranean hell popped into their minds.  They gathered their henchmen together and headed off to Chelmsfordshire - the first stop on a seasoned traveler's trip to Mt. Rendon and the many deaths lurking beneath it.

At Chelmsfordshire, they saw that many changes had taken place - a large wooden building had been constructed in the town common, craftsmen were busy working on a statue in front of the new building, and the crappy local bar, The Pig's Bride, had a crappy addition tacked on to turn it into a crappy inn.

They entered the building, and saw it packed with prospective henchmen looking to make a quick buck, lining up at tables to interview with various adventuring parties.  The interior of the building had several storefronts within - most unoccupied, with the exception of Fitzy's Adventuring Equipment.  After untold centuries, a shopping mall had returned to the land.  Hooray for progress!

They grabbed a fellow out of line to ask him what was going on - the shlub introduced himself as Barry, a former employee of a box factory in Denethix.  "I'm going to get rich! I heard you can get tens of gold pieces beneath the mountain!" he exclaimed.  The duo pumped "Boxer" for information - the statue was to be of Slezgar, so that no adventurer would ever forget the risks of the dungeon.  Beyond that, he didn't have much useful information - but he did agree to do some henching for Razoe.

Off to the dungeon they went - and the many unhappy looks from the hideously transformed Bunny convinced Mongo to expend some effort trying to locate her face.

First encounter - at the 3rd level entrance to the dungeon, they found a pile of human corpses - city surveyors and Unyielding Fist guardsmen.  Their heads had been taken.  Not too far inside the dungeon, they came across a group of goblins, stirring brains around in a pot.  The goblins explained they were trying to remake Grolikus the Hive Mind.  A look at the decaying brains floating in the pot convinced Mongo to shout out "You're doing it wrong!" before the crew began slaughtering the goblins.

Second encounter - the cod-men were delighted to see the adventurers, and escorted them safely through their lair.  Razoe asked if they had seen the hideous face-stealing monster, and the cod-men reported they had heard someone shouting "I'm pretty! I'm pretty!" deeper in the flooded dungeon.  The location was marked on the party's map.

Third encounter - the party found a section of the 30' wide flooded tunnnel that had several alcoves in the wall.  Ignoring the piles of metal and wires and the ancient graffiti reading "All toothmen must die!", the party poked around at a group of sarcophagi leaning against the back of a ceiling.  A trap was triggered, and the lids crashed open, and hideous seaworm-covered corpses leaped at the players.  Further crashes deeper in the darkness revealed more sarcophagi opening - a total of nine of the fiends attacked Mongo, Razoe, and their hapless minions.  The bloat zombies were felled with the help of Mongo's undead-controlling Sword of Unlife, but "Boxer" was slain and Skwisgar left only semi-conscious with worms burrowing into his flesh.  Skwisgar pleaded for mercy, but the two were unwilling to risk him rising as a bloat zombie at an inconvenient time, and he was beheaded.  Boxer's corpse was treated similarly.  Strangely, Razoe refrained from gutting them to see if they had eaten any treasure.

After this loss, the party retreated back to Denethix, despite Bunny's complaining.  Razoe wandered away to drink away the memories, while Gutboy and George roused themselves from whatever stupor they had fallen into.  George spent a bit of time hiring a new henchie - Relgar the Elf - and then, back to the dungeon!

First encounter - several miles from Chelmsfordshire, they found two perytons picking at a dead farmer.  They charged, they killed, they took a head as a trophy.

Second encounter - back at the third level entrance, they ran into a patrol of the Unyielding Fist.  The guardsmen had erected a gibbet, and a half dozen goblins were swinging by their necks.

Gutboy: "We're citizens of Denethix!"
Fist Lieutenant: "Yeah, we know.  The orange guy, and the talking dog in the hat and cape, and you.  You're legendary!"
Mongo: "That could be anyone."
Gutboy: "Did you know Rufus here is going to run for the council?"
First Lieutenant (awed): "Seriously?  A magic dog?  An Exalted and Chosen Brethren?  Well, let me tell you, he's got the support of this patrol!  Good luck in the tunnels, citizens!  It was an honor meeting you!"

Third encounter - through the cod-men lair and back to the alcoves where the bloat-men were defeated.  No sign of the bodies remained.  Further alcoves revealed a few doors, and a sculpture of a hideous long-tongued face with the words "An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a face for a face" inscribed above it.  Pressing on the tongue opened a secret door, and out ran a hideous monster with a machine embedded in its chest and Bunny's face upon its head.  Shots were taken, but the creature ran off into the dark - and Bunny grabbed a torch and ran after.  The rest of the party joined the pursuit, and they cornered it at the end of a tunnel.  It surrendered in exchange for a promise to "never steal faces again" - after twiddling the knobs on its chest-device, a beam of light shot from the mechanism into Bunny's monster face, and the exchange was reversed.  Bunny then instantly broke her promise and murdered the face-stealing fiend.  The machine was cut away from the corpse in hopes of fetching a few coins in the markets of Denethix.

Fourth encounter - there was a 12' tall statue of an automaton at the end of the tunnel where the face exchanger was killed. The statue resembled the machine-men from the "gatehouse" level of the dungeon.  Its face was removable, and they unscrewed it and took it with them

Fifth encounter - a room with a pedestal, upon which stood a gold statuette of the grim reaper holding a scythe. The statuette was coated in glistening oil or slime.  George made an attempt to towel it off, but a thin layer was still left.  Mongo then instructed William to go get it, but omitted vital details like "just drop this sack over it" - and the contact poison that coated the statue slew the stalwart sentinel when he picked it up.  Ahh, alliteration, it eases the pain.

Sixth encounter - a secret room was found.  This eight-segmented room housed a large fountain, with aqueducts directing water into eight smaller fountains. The water in the smaller fountains took on various odd colors - orange, brown, chartreuse, mauve, maroon, yellow, fuchsia, and teal.  Various effects were discovered, and oil flasks were emptied to haul away the healing-related waters.  A note was also found in a lacquered cabinet, reading "FYI, borrowed a preservative bottle, brought it to Jerry's office in the Deep Tower."  There was minor concern about the implications of a "preservative" bottle.

Seventh encounter - there was a "treasure chest" drawn on the map they had found in the dungeon several sessions ago.  Intrigued, the party headed in that direction, and were waylaid by a group of zombie moktars.  Mongo commanded one to become his servant using the power of the Sword of Unlife, and the rest were handily slain and/or turned by the party.

Eighth encounter - the treasure chest was found, and was surrounded by mutilated corpses and skeletons.  Mongo commanded the zombie to open the chest, and a scything blade popped out, chopping the zombie in two.  The nature of the trap was now known, and Bunny easily circumvented it by opening the chest from behind.  A severed hand with a silver ring was found in the chest.

Ninth encounter - wolves attack on the way back from the dungeon!  Stupid, stupid wolves.

And, finally, back to Denethix to sell their meager treasure and mourn their dead henchmen.  Just kidding, nobody mourned the henchmen.

Gains: Bunny's face, peryton head, automaton statue's face, poison-coated grim reaper statue (600 gp), silver ring w/ tourmaline (600 gp)
Kills: 8 goblins, 9 bloat zombies, 1 face exchanger, 6 zombie moktars, 2 perytons, 7 wolves
Losses: "Boxer", Skwisgar, William

session recap, 2/13/2013

CAST
--------
Mongo the Fighter (4), his henchpersons "Bunny" the Thief (2) and William the Sentinel (2), and his soil-bearers Malazar and someone who's name I have forgotten
Gutboy the Cleric (5), his henchman Trezgar the Elf (1) and his blink dog Rufus II

Mongo. Gutboy. The power-duo glanced sidelong at each other, and nodded seriously. "Dungeon" they said simultaneously. Yes, a time to return underground, seeking gold, glory, and Bunny's lost face.  Well, that's what they said to reassure Bunny...

They made their way through the back country around Denethix, avoiding Chelmsfordshire and the tax-men they feared were lurking within. Approaching the formerly-moktar-infested entrance to the 3rd level of the dungeon, they heard noises - a pair of civil engineers had set up surveying equipoment, under the supervision of a patrol of the Unyielding Fist and a robed official from the Zoning Board.

Official: "What? Who are you? Identify yourselves!"
Gutboy: "I am Gutboy, this is Mongo, and this is Rufus. We are citizens of Denethix."
Fist: "Oh, right, the orange guy and the talking dog. Yeah, I heard about that, they're citizens. Man, they'll let anything become a citizen these dyas."
Official: "And what are you doing here? Oh, don't tell me, trying to sneak into the dungeon without paying dues to the Council of Proper Apportionment. Well, your tax-evading days are coming to an end!"
Mongo: "What does that mean?"
Official: "Never you mind! Now begone, scoundrels!"

Nonplussed, the duo entered into the dungeon, looking for adventure.  They were decidedly not looking for Bunny's face, as they took a hard left into a (so they thought) previously unexplored portion of the subterranean labyrinth.  They fought a pair of the horned, flat dungeon sharks that cruised the flooded tunnels of the dungeon - alas, their guts contained nothing but New York license plates.

The exploration continued, and they re-entered a room they had previously been in, containing a vibrating iron rod protruding from a pedestal. Mongo grabbed it with his hand, and the dim flicker of intelligence behind his eyes grew even dimmer, as his muscles bulged out - the vibration had transferred what pitiful intellect he possessed into increased strength and vitality.

Pleased with his bulging muscles, the slack-jawed Mongo and Gutboy came across a stair way heading up. Across from the stairs was a triangular screen, and an image appeared - a man in green gloves proclaiming the dungeon as the property of the Church of Starry Wisdom - an obscure church on the Street of Temples, notable only in that the god it worshipped never appeared in the God's Eyes.

The crew headed up the stairs, and discovered themselves back on the second level - the scorched stain on the floor in the shape of long-dead Netal the Elf confirmed it.  They hurriedly went through their map collection, suddenly finding everything they had seen very familiar, and managed to connect a few of the incomprehensible scribbles together.  Newly oriented to their location in the dungeon, they headed to a room they had previously fled from in terror - the tomb of the Bone Lord.

A great stone door of black basalt with a winged skull carved into it marked the entrance to the Bone Lord's tomb.  Peeking inside, they saw the door opened onto a balcony, with skeletons in veiled black dresses mourning over a stone sarcophagus.  On the level below the balcony, more skeletons wearing tuxedos and holding bottles of wine stood around a long table with fine silverware.  The room was paneled with mahogany, had elegantly carved coffered ceilings, and had fine tapestries, rugs and divans scattered about.

A skeleton near the door gestured towards the table, and the skeletons below poured wine into goblets.  The party headed down into the lower section, and Mongo directed his soil-bearers to drink the wine.  They eagerly did so, and collapsed onto the floor retching - poison!  As they collapsed, the lid of the sarcophagus was flung off, and a withered corpse in a powder-blue tuxedo and top-hat emerged. The skeletons pulled swords from under their long tail-coats and dresses, and attacked.

Gutboy presented his symbol of Nisus and repelled the skeletons with his faith. This shocked the corpse in the powder-blue tuxedo, who began shouting "What the hell?" and then "Not my tuxedo!" as he was peppered with arrows. Mongo moved to engage the corpse, but while his sword mangled the beautiful tuxedo quite easily, the corpse's flesh remained undamaged.

The finely dressed monster grabbed Mongo by the shoulders and inhaled, sucking away Mongo's vitality - the poor dimwitted fighter lost a level. Mongo responded with napalm - he pulled out his flamethrower and doused the breath-stealing fiend with fire. It was crisped instantly, and collapsed into a burning mess.  The remaining skeletons were driven off by Gutboy, and the looting began.

Beneath the velvet lining of the sarcophagus, Mongo felt the outline of a sword. The weapon's guard was sculpted into the shape of a winged skull, and on the blade the following words were etched: "Even death may die."  Some jewelry was also recovered from the burnt remains of the corpse, although an ivory ring had been charred into worthlessness.  The dirt-bearers recovered from their vomiting fits, and were cajoled into hauling the chandelier out of the dungeon.

On the way out of the dungeon, they passed a group of mournful goblins, screeching about how they could no longer feel Grolikus in their minds. Gutboy's assurances that he was "probably taking a nap" didn't ease their torment, and the heroes moved on.  A second group of goblins was met on the way down the mountainside, with similar complaints - the goblins weren't hostile, so the pair ignored the humanoids and went on their way.  The only disturbing moment were the nightmares that plagued Mongo - dreams of chasing his friends and family around, trying to suck their life-breath from them. Also, disappointingly for Mongo, his intelligence increased and his muscle-mass decreased, as the vibrating rod's effects were only temporary.

The party eventually made it back to the city. An expensive consultation with the elven sage Frondgar revealed that this was the Sword of Unlife.  It was a potent weapon, so eager to slay that it helped its wielder hit its victims, and capable of commanding the lesser undead - but should the wielder ever be slain, he will instantly arise as a wight.  Mongo was OK with this liability, despite Gutboy's objections.

Gains: Sword of Unlife, some jewelry
Kills: 2 dungeon sharks, 17 skeletons (turned), 1 wight
Losses: 1 level