CAST
--------
Gutboy the Cleric (6), his henchpeople Trezgar the Elf (2) and Bunny the Thief (2), and his blink dog Rufus II
The loot from the both successful and disastrous zombie-hunting expedition had to be sold - and most of it was disposed of at various booths in the Bazaar Incomparable. The Union of Dermatological Illustrators purchased the glowing tattoo ink for an exorbitant price, the "Down, Out and Deceased" pawn shop bought the plain copper ring for a king's ransom of 1 silver piece, and the usual gem vendors picked up the rest of the loot. The exception were the cursed dagger and necklace - these were sold to weapons collector and sometime patron Davrik Lerdingfast for a steep discount, as he was intrigued by their "death cult" vibe.
Pai Mei (not present) retained the Purple Lotus Powder, and Gutboy held on to the build-your-own-Frankenstein manual and the Book of Unspeakable Shame (and the loupe required to read them).
A few days later, rumors were circulating in the city of invisible thieves robbing the shops and stalls of the Bazaar Incomparable. Gutboy put two and two together, traveled to the Bazaar with his crew, and used his divine powers granted by decidedly technological deities to magically locate the ring. The pinging noise in his head led him to a gaudily dressed seaman, with a peg leg, hook hand, eyepatch, and a parrot atop his shoulder, accompanied by a pair of thugs in striped sailor shirts. The piratical fellow browsed dozens of stalls and shops before leaving the Bazaar and heading towards an alley.
Gutboy and crew followed quietly, and surprised the trio as the pirate pulled the copper ring out of his pocket and bragged to his men about he was going to rob the Bazaar blind. Trezgar's somnolent sorcery put them to sleep before they had a chance to react, and Gutboy pocketed the ring. He returned to his condo, checked that the Glyph of Warding above the door hadn't been triggered, and went inside to experiment with the ring. Unsurprisingly, his henchmen informed him that he had become invisible upon wearing it.
With the hastily sold magical loot recovered, Gutboy decided to visit the shrine to Nisus for unspecified reasons - perhaps he was feeling a bit nostalgic. The booth (shared by two other deities) was in bad shape, and someone had defecated upon the floor. The eye dedicated to Nisus remained dark, but the one next to it, dedicated to Wurgol, god of cutlery and Gutboy's latest orbital patron, became active. Colors swirled in the frame, and then an image of a fork and spoon atop a table presented itself.
Wurgol: "Gutboy! We have seen what you did!"
Gutboy: "Huh? What are you talking about?"
Wurgol: "We witnessed your rendezvous with the alien craft! We know this!"
Gutboy: "Oh, that. That's not my fault!"
Wurgol: "We do not care. Access to the mountain must be maintained! This situation cannot stand!"
Gutboy: "What mountain?"
Wurgol: "Mount Rendon! There are faint signals from within the mountain! Exploration must not be hindered! The alien's army of the dead interferes! It must be destroyed!"
Gutboy: "What does that have to do with me?"
Wurgol: "A millenia ago, a great evil was loosed upon the earth. A hundred thousand men died to silence it, and still could not destroy it. It sleeps still, but shall awaken. The devourer of worlds! The harbinger of the end of days! The BAGGER 288! You shall awaken the beast, and it will utterly destroy the invader!"
Gutboy: "Devourer of worlds? How are you going to make it go after the alien?"
Wurgol: "You shall requisition a sacred you-ess-bee stick from the Grand Temple. We shall place instructions upon the sacred stick, and you shall bring it to the heart of the BAGGER 288. When it awakens, it will take time for its ai eye to come online, and it will follow the instructions we give it in its confusion. Thus it shall be directed to destroy the invader."
Gutboy: "If I wake it up, how will we put it back to sleep?"
Wurgol: "Another hundred thousand shall die in the attempt. Perhaps more. It matters not! Access to the dungeon must be maintained! A million lives are worth the effort!"
Gutboy: "What will it do after fighting the alien?"
Wurgol: "It will begin to devour the world. It will likely target nearby population centers. It is entirely possible that it will hunt the wizards in their towers before turning on this city."
Gutboy: "That doesn't sound like a good plan. Aren't you supposed to protect the earth?"
Wurgol: "We exist to preserve the Veil between the dimensions. The BAGGER 288 is of this earth. It is not in our mission parameters to prevent it from waking."
Gutboy: "Isn't there another way?"
Wurgol: "We have spoken! It is not for mortals to question us! You will retrieve the sacred stick and return here so that it may be programmed! The BAGGER 288 is buried beneath the village called Southdeep, south of Denethix. You shall go there and awaken it!"
The screen went black, and Gutboy headed to the Grand Temple to fetch the USB stick, despite his reservations about waking up a machine capable of destroying the world. At the temple, he was promptly handed a stick by an attendant - due to some confusion about Wurgol's instructions, a meeting with Lunexia, clad in naught but a gold lobster mask and claws, was held, and discussions about the proper use of USB sticks were had - and then Gutboy headed back to the booth. The God's Eye lit up briefly, a green light flickered on the USB stick, and the programming was done.
Gutboy had no desire to meet the BAGGER 288 with only his henchmen and loyal dog Rufus, and headed to the Academy of Enlightened Thought to discuss the situation with Madame Prepin.
Prepin: "Gutboy! Look, I can't pay you yet - if anyone finds out that we caused this war, we'll be strung up. I think I've got a plan though - you can pretend to go on an expedition to capture Goonies from the battlefields, and then come back as heroes. Nobody will know that we got the zombies earlier."
Gutboy: "I've got a better idea - you come with us. You need to run this."
Prepin: "Fine."
Gutboy: "There's another problem. There's a machine that will destroy the alien, and the whole world, that I've got to wake up. Is that something you're interested in studying?"
Prepin: "Look, I'm a professor of astrophysics, and now necrotronics. That's not my field."
Gutboy: "Is there anybody in the university who knows about this stuff?"
Prepin: "Are you kidding? They're all close-minded bigots and hypocrites! Nobody else has even the slightest degree of competence. I wouldn't let them study one of my bunions."
Gutboy: "Fine. Can I get some grad students then?"
Prepin: "All right, but I'm running low here. You three! You're doing some field work with Gutboy here. Yes, it WILL be graded. Get to it, and no complaining!"
Gutboy equipped the three grad students with leather armor and shields, and then headed to Davrik Lerdingfast's manse to request an appointment. His manservant informed him it would be a few hours, so Gutboy cooled his heels at a nearby inn until he could see the wealthy weapons collector. He returned at the appointed time, and was admitted inside.
Gutboy: "Good to see you! That giant tank in the swamp - we got a chance to go take a look. Unfortunately, it's immobile, and there's no way drag something that big out."
Davrik: "Damn shame, that. Well, thanks for taking a look."
Gutboy: "There's something else that might interest you - I've been given a mission to awaken a giant killing machine to fight the alien ship."
Davrik: "Big, ey? How big? Will I be able to see the battle from the roof terrace?"
Gutboy: "Enormous. The BAGGER 288 - have you heard of it? Big enough to destroy cities!"
Davrik: "Can't say I have. Thanks for the tip though - I'll have my man alert me when the fight starts so I can get a good view."
Gutboy: "Can you lend me a few men for the expedition to awaken it?"
Davrik: "Ahh, I would, dear Gutboy, but unfortunately I've sent most of them down to the Wastes on a beetle-hunting expedition. There's money to be had in beetle paste, what with the war and all."
Gutboy: "Oh. You know anyone else who might be able to help with a giant war machine?"
Davrik: "Yes. There's a fellow I sponsor in the Academy who might be keen to help. His name is Dr. Frank Smithen, he does work for the Fist sometimes, helping them build the Steel Leviathans."
Davrik wrote a letter of introduction, and Gutboy was off to the Academy. He presented the letter, and was ushered into a lab,w here Professor Smithen and his assistant Michael Sauralus were working on an 8' tall battle-bot.
Smithen: "A friend of Davrik's, ey? Always glad to be of assistance!"
Gutboy: "I'm on a mission to awaken a gigantic machine, the BAGGER 288. It's buried under Southdeep. When it awakens, this stick here has a program to make it attack the alien - but then it will destroy the world. What I need is a way to turn it off after it's killed the alien."
Smithen: "Hmm. I see. Something on a timer then. How long will the right take, do you think?"
Gutboy: "Maybe a remote control instead?"
Smithen: "Excellent suggestion. We'll need to run an antenna up onto its hull though. Still, it can be done! Michael, get cracking - we need a remote made up!"
Gutboy: "Do you think the Scientists can help?"
Smithen: "Those superstitious imbeciles? Ha! That pack of fools don't know the first thing about the design of robotics. Nothing but rote memorization there. No, they won't be any use at all."
(at this point Gutboy notices Michael glaring angrily at Smithen)
Gutboy: "Do you have any grad students who could come along? I have some from Madame Prepin..."
Smithen: "Prepin? The harridan from astrophysics? Ridiculous! What use could her grad students possibly be? They're barely capable of tying their own shoes! I suppose if you got lost in the woods you could always eat them. Can't see any other use! No, no, and for a project like this, it needs a personal touch. Michael and I shall come along ourselves."
Gutboy: "Will you need any armor or weapons?"
Smithen: "Nonsense! We're just going to Southdeep. We can fire up this battle-bot here anyhow. Michael, get a move on!"
Gutboy: "Say, can you have Michael get us some tea?"
Smithen: "You heard the man, Michael! Tea!"
(after Michael leaves) Gutboy: "You know, I think he's with the Scientists."
Smithen: "What? Michael? Absurd! He's been working me for years!"
Gutboy: "Ok. Well, meet us at the Grand Temple tomorrow, and we'll head to Southdeep."
After tea, Gutboy headed off to his last stop - the Palais Public. He stopped at the city clerk's desk, to inquire about how one would go about running for office as an Exalted and Chosen Brother.
Simon Lewis (the clerk): "Well, you don't just go and run, see. It's incredibly rude to run against an existing Brother. Just isn't seemly!"
Gutboy: "...because Rufus here is really interested in public office..."
Simon: "Well. Connections can be made. Introductions. You know. It's possible, should there be an unexpected opening. Then there'd be a vote, and if you knew the right men, well, you know how elections are."
Gutboy: "Right! That's what we need! Just send us to these men, and we'll be on our way!"
Simon: "Well, it's not that simple. There needs to be an opening. And of course, my finder's fee..."
Gutboy: "Finder's fee?"
Simon: "A percentage"
Gutboy: "Of what?"
Simon: "Of whatever sums change hands. You don't just run for office and let the people decide! Ha, that's a funny notion! I'm an honest clerk - it's a mere ten percent commission"
Gutboy: "Ridiculous - five percent!"
Simon: "Look, this isn't a negotiation. It's ten percent."
Gutboy: "Done."
Simon: "So, you've undoubtedly heard of Mormod Waginski. The hunter! Of course you have! Everyone has... well, I'm sure your aware of the feathers he's ruffling."
Gutboy (thinking): "Right. I think he invited us to a party once, but we went to a swamp instead."
Simon: "Understandable. Terribly dangerous, those big game hunting expeditions. So easy to be eaten by a tyrannosaur. Those kinds of things happen."
Gutboy: "Uh-huh. So those introductions..."
Simon: "Yeah. There needs to be an opening, like I said. Hunting is so very dangerous. But men will have their hobbies!"
Gutboy, enlightened as to the nature of Denethix city council politics, headed back to his condo for the night. He was surprised to be woken in the wee hours by a loud crack of thunder. He opened his front door and discovered the smoking corpse of the pirate, his two thugs, and the parrot. He called for the Fist to dispose of the bodies (with the exception of the parrot) - they were horrified to find that a valued Citizen of Denethix had been disturbed by the hoi polloi, and quickly dragged the bodies off to be dumped into the river before they could re-animate as zombies.
In the morning, Gutboy headed off to the taxidermist to drop off the parrot ("A Norwegian blue! Beautiful plumage!") with instructions to stuff it and have it shoulder-mountable. He then gathered Prepin's grad students, Dr. Smithen, Michael, and their battle-bot ZN547. They promptly headed off to Southdeep, stopping briefly in Lugosi to hire a guide to the hidden village.
The guide led them through a twisted forest, which finally opened up at the edge of a massive pit, hundreds of feet across and hundreds of feet deep. A path corkscrewed its way down the side of the pit, where doors were set into its walls, leading into the homes and shops of Southdeep. They made their way to an inn near the bottom, quaintly named "The Whole Hole". Inside, the patrons were muttering angrily and making rude gestures at a solitary robed and cowled figure, sitting at a corner table.
Barkeep: "We don't serve their kind here!"
Gutboy (to ZN547): "Why don't you wait outside. We don't want any trouble."
Gutboy (to barkeep): "What's going on?"
Barkeep: "That bag man's full of crap! Saying we're all gonna die today! What kind of idiocy is that?"
Gutboy: "What's a bag man?"
Barkeep: "The jerk in the corner with the robes! They live under the village. Usually they tell us good news, what the weather's going to be, how the mold crop is doing, but this jerk is saying nothin' but doom. Probably wants to get us to leave so he can rob us. I've got a mind to clock him."
Gutboy ambled over to the bag man's table, and peered beneath the cowl - it shadowed the face of a gorilla.
Bag Man: "You are the ones who have been foretold. Behold! These are the ones who bring your death, Southdeep!"
Gutboy: "No, no! He's drunk! Don't listen to him!"
Someone threw a clay beer stein at the bag man, and it shattered against his head - but the bag man didn't even flinch.
Bag Man: "Come. It is time. I shall lead you to your fate."
Gutboy and his crew followed the bag-man out. Standing on the path outside the tavern, Gutboy shouted to the citizens peering down at him, "I have been sent by the great wizard of Denethix to save you!" The bag man responded by shouting "You are all going to die!" The citizens then responded by dumping their chamberpots out upon the party, showering them with excrement. They hurriedly followed the bag man/gorilla to cave entrance at the bottom of the pit.
And here our session ends.
Gains: Ring of invisibility, a retinue of academics, the nightsoil of Southdeep
Kills: Three river pirates
Losses: None
2014-01-28
PDF
2014-01-22
Fight On! #14 released!
OK, everyone else already posted this - but Fight On! #14 has been released!
My contribution was an ad. Yes, there's a word for people like me - and that word is HERO.
Buy it on Lulu: http://www.lulu.com/shop/ignatius-umlaut/fight-on-14-20122013/paperback/product-21411537.html
My contribution was an ad. Yes, there's a word for people like me - and that word is HERO.
Buy it on Lulu: http://www.lulu.com/shop/ignatius-umlaut/fight-on-14-20122013/paperback/product-21411537.html
2014-01-12
character tumbler for ASE
Austin has put together a character tumbler for ASE:
http://www.infinitedragons.com/ASE-Tumbler/
I haven't played DCC yet, but he's taken the funnel concept and ported it to Basic Fantasy. Looks pretty cool!
He's got some nice DynMat and IMES logos going as well
http://www.infinitedragons.com/ASE-Tumbler/
I haven't played DCC yet, but he's taken the funnel concept and ported it to Basic Fantasy. Looks pretty cool!
He's got some nice DynMat and IMES logos going as well
2013-12-24
Merry Christmas!
For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Of the greatness of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David’s throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. The zeal of the Lord Almighty will accomplish this.
Isaiah 9:6-7
Merry Christmas!
Of the greatness of his government and peace there will be no end. He will reign on David’s throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. The zeal of the Lord Almighty will accomplish this.
Isaiah 9:6-7
Merry Christmas!
2013-11-19
session recap, 11/14/2013
CAST
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Gutboy the Cleric (6), his henchpeople Trezgar the Elf (2) and Bunny the Thief (2), and his blink dog Rufus II
Pai Mei the Wu Jen (3) and his stuntman, Colt "Rottweiler" Seavers the Type III Bounty Hunter (2)
Pai Mei and Colt Seavers waded through the glowing green mist in the room and approached the stone sarcophagus - inside was a roughly coffin-shaped machine of silvery metal and transparent pipes flowing with green fluid. As they examined the techno-coffin, the mist suddenly gathered up into a humanoid form - a horrible chitinous creature with bug eyes, pincer hands, and a giant brain-shaped head.
Ki-Ris: "I am Ki-Ris of the planet Duvan'Ku! Now, you will help me return to my ship!"
Gutboy: "Whoa, hold on! Why are we going to do that?"
Ki-Ris: "You have no choice! You have destroyed the Suppressor, and now the animated dead have risen!"
Gutboy: "Are you from space? How did you get past the Veil?"
Ki-Ris: "The Veil? You must refer to the extra-dimensional shields around this planet. My people are from this dimension! Your veil is no barrier to us!"
Gutboy: "So, you're from space then? Can you destroy Thor?"
Ki-Ris: "I know not of what you speak, earth-man."
Gutboy: "He's one of the gods that orbit the planet. Don't you fear them?"
Ki-Ris: "No! Our technology is far superior to anything you humans possess!"
Gutboy: "Why do you need our help?"
Ki-Ris: "Thousands of years ago, my comrades betrayed me. I killed them all, but I have been trapped here, and cannot venture far from my life support capsule."
Pai Mei: "Why did you come here?"
Ki-Ris: "My planet was a paradise. Our technology allows the dead to be reanimated and to serve us in all manner of menial labor. We lived as gods. Sadly, our women were killed by the living dead"
Gutboy: "I thought you controlled them?"
Ki-Ris: "Mistakes were made. Accidents happen. My people are doomed without females! We have come to this planet to take your women back as our brides, and to slaughter the men, who shall rise again as our eternal slaves!"
Gutboy: "You can mate with human women?"
Ki-Ris: "Yes! It is one of the great Laws of the Universe!"
Gutboy: "Makes sense."
Pai Mei: "You could marry Madame Prepin"
Madame Prepin: "I... uhh... I'm kind of seeing someone already..."
Ki-Ris: "It matters not! All women shall be taken! Your human civilization shall fall, and you shall all die! Now, take me to my ship!"
Gutboy: "Why would we do that?"
Ki-Ris: "You have no choice! You have destroyed the Suppressor, and the dead have arisen! Only I can stop them from devouring your living flesh!"
Gutboy: "Prove it - control this zombie!"
Madame Prepin: "You mean Goonie!"
Ki-Ris ordered the captured zombie to dance, and the ancient corpse began awkwardly prancing about.
Ki-Ris: "There is your proof, humans. Now, we shall go to the Duvan'Ku Promise Machine, and the Bargain shall be made."
Gutboy: "Where's this machine? In the sarcophagus?"
Ki-Ris: "No! That is my life support capsule. The Promise Machine is down the hall."
Gutboy: "We're going to need to think this over..."
Pai Mei: "Forget it! Colt Seaver, go break that capsule!"
Colt Seaver reached down into the capsule - and Ki-Ris moved faster than any human could, gripping the bounty hunter by the throat. Colt struggled feebly as his flesh visibly withered, and Ki-Ris dropped the dried husk to the ground. The party ran out of the room in a panic, slamming the door shut, and leaving the catatonic grad student behind. A shout of "You'll be back!" was heard as they ran down the corridor.
They followed the corridor to its end - a dead end, to be precise, covered with ancient dried blood, and with the words "Thank you, my dear ally, for sacrificing your life force for my own" inscribed in Duvan'Ku upon the wall. Pai Mei briefly considered reciting them aloud and sacrificing the grad student, before realizing he had been left behind with the alien.
They followed the corridor back to its other end, and found a pit in the floor. The words "Jump, My Child, and Experience the Infinite Forever" were etched on the wall in Duvan'Ku. Gutboy stared down the pit, at the glowing phosphorescent patterns spiraling along its walls, going down so very very very far... and then snapped out of it, realizing he had been momentarily hypnotized.
A brief argument ensued about the next course of action - and then a massive tarantula clambered out of the hole! Trezgar cast his somnolescent magic, and the tarantula was put into a gentle repose - until Trezgar stuck a sword through its head.
That threat past, the party returned to the secret door between this portion of the tomb, and the room that had held the Suppressor "vine" they had destroyed. They listened at the door, hoping that the zombies were trapped in their crypts - but they heard the shuffling and moaning of the living dead beyond. The corpses had figured out how to turn the valves on the doors to their tombs. Rufus II briefly "blinked" to the other side, and saw that the living dead had piled themselves into a corpse-pyramid, allowing others to clamber up the hole in the ceiling to the surface. He blinked back before getting torn apart by the brain-hungry mob.
The party then began opening various barred doors in the corridor. They came across a fast-moving corpse, and destroyed it - and then in another room found a sarcophagus on a strangely uneven floor. A mummified corpse with an emerald crown burst through as Bunny hammered on the uneven section of the floor, but Gutboy's faith (or non-faith) in the satellite entities above drove the mummy away. They tracked it down to the end of the corridor, and Bunny used the Sword of Unlife to force the mummy to obey her commands - the first of which was to relinquish its emerald crown.
They then opened a third room, choreographed a corpse-fight between the mummy and the living dead within, and discovered what must be the Duvan'Ku Promise Machine. A metal orb sat on a pedestal, with ten knobs protruding from its circumference. Bunny handed the mummy a hammer and ordered it to destroy the Promise Machine.
As the mummy began banging away, a green mist flowed down the corridor and coalesced into Ki-Ris. The alien grabbed Bunny and she began to wither, as Colt Seaver had done, losing 2 levels in the process. The alien released Bunny, and walked over to the machine (yanking the hammer out of the mummy's hand).
Ki-Ris: "Enough of this idiocy! It is time for the Bargain! I need four of you to carry my life support system to a clearing wide enough for my ship to approach! Without proper equipment, I cannot control the undead reliably, only repel them - I need you to serve as my bearers."
Gutboy: "How does this machine work?"
Ki-Ris: "The Promise Machine of Duvan'Ku will link our minds sympathetically. Any attempt to break a Bargain will cause eternal torment! Now, come, grab the knobs and we shall declare our Terms and Conditions!"
Gutboy: "You said you needed four - that's not enough. It has to be all of us!"
Ki-Ris: "That is acceptable. Now, enough wasting time! Let the Bargain be struck!"
The party grabbed the knobs (Rufus II gripping with his teeth), and the Bargain began:
Ki-Ris: "You shall, in good faith, carry me and my life support capsule to a clearing at least a mile wide, and place the capsule into the cargo elevator when my ship approaches. In turn, I shall in good faith prevent these living dead from harming you until that time."
Gutboy: "And what happens after we put you on the ship? Promise not to harm us ever!"
Ki-Ris: "Ridiculous! I shall enslave and destroy all human males! Under the condition you depart immediately, I shall not cause you any harm for a twenty-four hour period after returning me to my ship"
Pai Mei: "Good enough!"
The Bargain was struck, and the party could feel their minds linked to Ki-Ris's. He bore them only hatred and malevolence, but they could also feel that the Bargain was in force, and even the slightest thought of betrayal caused great anguish.
All was as Ki-Ris claimed - he returned to his capsule, and the party dragged it through the undead hordes, back up into the cabin, and out into the graveyard, where thousands more corpses were clawing their way up from their graves. The cart and cage were still there, and contained the reanimated corpses of Zeke and his wife. They forced the captured zombie into the cage, and to meet Madame Prespin's quota, they forced three more walking dead into the cage as well. From within the coffin, Ki-Ris yelled "Move it along already!" and they slowly made their way down the mountain, and after a day's journey turned north until they found a meadow large enough to meet Ki-Ris's specifications.
The Green Comet of Undying Flesh hung in the sky above, and as they watched, it grew larger and larger, a halo of flickering green flames surrounding it as it approached the earth. The ship, for that is what it was, was fully a mile in diameter. It hung several hundred feet above the ground, and a tube slowly descended. Once it reached the ground, a door slid open, and the party carried the life support capsule inside. They quickly ran out, and watched as the tube ascended - the ship, however, remained stationary, floating above the field.
The party draped their tents over the cage to hide the living corpses within, and made their way to Chelmsfordshire as fast as they could. The marching of undead hordes coud be heard behind them, and the ship appeared to be an unmoving green moon low in the western sky. They marched straight through Chelmsfordshire without mentioning a word to anyone, and then onwards to Denethix, where Madame Prepin quickly contacted some of her associates and the covered cage was whisked away.
Pai Mei: "So where's our money?"
Madame Prepin: "Look, let's keep this between us right now - it wouldn't be prudent to let the Academy or anyone else in the city know too much about what just happened. You'll get paid, it just has to wait til the political climate is right."
The party eyed some of the broadsheets being sold - the headlines spoke of the Unyielding Fist having been sent north to deal with the inexplicable predations of Ferayn's Exterminators upon the northern villages. With the army so occupied, what fate would befall Chelmsfordshire, and Denethix itself?
Gains: Emerald crown, six required "Goonies" per the Academy contract
Kills: Giant tarantula, zombie, ghoul, mummy (subjugated rather than destroyed)
Losses: Colt "Rottweiler" Seaver, two of Bunny's levels, one forgotten grad student, most likely all of Chelmsfordshire
--------
Gutboy the Cleric (6), his henchpeople Trezgar the Elf (2) and Bunny the Thief (2), and his blink dog Rufus II
Pai Mei the Wu Jen (3) and his stuntman, Colt "Rottweiler" Seavers the Type III Bounty Hunter (2)
Pai Mei and Colt Seavers waded through the glowing green mist in the room and approached the stone sarcophagus - inside was a roughly coffin-shaped machine of silvery metal and transparent pipes flowing with green fluid. As they examined the techno-coffin, the mist suddenly gathered up into a humanoid form - a horrible chitinous creature with bug eyes, pincer hands, and a giant brain-shaped head.
Ki-Ris: "I am Ki-Ris of the planet Duvan'Ku! Now, you will help me return to my ship!"
Gutboy: "Whoa, hold on! Why are we going to do that?"
Ki-Ris: "You have no choice! You have destroyed the Suppressor, and now the animated dead have risen!"
Gutboy: "Are you from space? How did you get past the Veil?"
Ki-Ris: "The Veil? You must refer to the extra-dimensional shields around this planet. My people are from this dimension! Your veil is no barrier to us!"
Gutboy: "So, you're from space then? Can you destroy Thor?"
Ki-Ris: "I know not of what you speak, earth-man."
Gutboy: "He's one of the gods that orbit the planet. Don't you fear them?"
Ki-Ris: "No! Our technology is far superior to anything you humans possess!"
Gutboy: "Why do you need our help?"
Ki-Ris: "Thousands of years ago, my comrades betrayed me. I killed them all, but I have been trapped here, and cannot venture far from my life support capsule."
Pai Mei: "Why did you come here?"
Ki-Ris: "My planet was a paradise. Our technology allows the dead to be reanimated and to serve us in all manner of menial labor. We lived as gods. Sadly, our women were killed by the living dead"
Gutboy: "I thought you controlled them?"
Ki-Ris: "Mistakes were made. Accidents happen. My people are doomed without females! We have come to this planet to take your women back as our brides, and to slaughter the men, who shall rise again as our eternal slaves!"
Gutboy: "You can mate with human women?"
Ki-Ris: "Yes! It is one of the great Laws of the Universe!"
Gutboy: "Makes sense."
Pai Mei: "You could marry Madame Prepin"
Madame Prepin: "I... uhh... I'm kind of seeing someone already..."
Ki-Ris: "It matters not! All women shall be taken! Your human civilization shall fall, and you shall all die! Now, take me to my ship!"
Gutboy: "Why would we do that?"
Ki-Ris: "You have no choice! You have destroyed the Suppressor, and the dead have arisen! Only I can stop them from devouring your living flesh!"
Gutboy: "Prove it - control this zombie!"
Madame Prepin: "You mean Goonie!"
Ki-Ris ordered the captured zombie to dance, and the ancient corpse began awkwardly prancing about.
Ki-Ris: "There is your proof, humans. Now, we shall go to the Duvan'Ku Promise Machine, and the Bargain shall be made."
Gutboy: "Where's this machine? In the sarcophagus?"
Ki-Ris: "No! That is my life support capsule. The Promise Machine is down the hall."
Gutboy: "We're going to need to think this over..."
Pai Mei: "Forget it! Colt Seaver, go break that capsule!"
Colt Seaver reached down into the capsule - and Ki-Ris moved faster than any human could, gripping the bounty hunter by the throat. Colt struggled feebly as his flesh visibly withered, and Ki-Ris dropped the dried husk to the ground. The party ran out of the room in a panic, slamming the door shut, and leaving the catatonic grad student behind. A shout of "You'll be back!" was heard as they ran down the corridor.
They followed the corridor to its end - a dead end, to be precise, covered with ancient dried blood, and with the words "Thank you, my dear ally, for sacrificing your life force for my own" inscribed in Duvan'Ku upon the wall. Pai Mei briefly considered reciting them aloud and sacrificing the grad student, before realizing he had been left behind with the alien.
They followed the corridor back to its other end, and found a pit in the floor. The words "Jump, My Child, and Experience the Infinite Forever" were etched on the wall in Duvan'Ku. Gutboy stared down the pit, at the glowing phosphorescent patterns spiraling along its walls, going down so very very very far... and then snapped out of it, realizing he had been momentarily hypnotized.
A brief argument ensued about the next course of action - and then a massive tarantula clambered out of the hole! Trezgar cast his somnolescent magic, and the tarantula was put into a gentle repose - until Trezgar stuck a sword through its head.
That threat past, the party returned to the secret door between this portion of the tomb, and the room that had held the Suppressor "vine" they had destroyed. They listened at the door, hoping that the zombies were trapped in their crypts - but they heard the shuffling and moaning of the living dead beyond. The corpses had figured out how to turn the valves on the doors to their tombs. Rufus II briefly "blinked" to the other side, and saw that the living dead had piled themselves into a corpse-pyramid, allowing others to clamber up the hole in the ceiling to the surface. He blinked back before getting torn apart by the brain-hungry mob.
The party then began opening various barred doors in the corridor. They came across a fast-moving corpse, and destroyed it - and then in another room found a sarcophagus on a strangely uneven floor. A mummified corpse with an emerald crown burst through as Bunny hammered on the uneven section of the floor, but Gutboy's faith (or non-faith) in the satellite entities above drove the mummy away. They tracked it down to the end of the corridor, and Bunny used the Sword of Unlife to force the mummy to obey her commands - the first of which was to relinquish its emerald crown.
They then opened a third room, choreographed a corpse-fight between the mummy and the living dead within, and discovered what must be the Duvan'Ku Promise Machine. A metal orb sat on a pedestal, with ten knobs protruding from its circumference. Bunny handed the mummy a hammer and ordered it to destroy the Promise Machine.
As the mummy began banging away, a green mist flowed down the corridor and coalesced into Ki-Ris. The alien grabbed Bunny and she began to wither, as Colt Seaver had done, losing 2 levels in the process. The alien released Bunny, and walked over to the machine (yanking the hammer out of the mummy's hand).
Ki-Ris: "Enough of this idiocy! It is time for the Bargain! I need four of you to carry my life support system to a clearing wide enough for my ship to approach! Without proper equipment, I cannot control the undead reliably, only repel them - I need you to serve as my bearers."
Gutboy: "How does this machine work?"
Ki-Ris: "The Promise Machine of Duvan'Ku will link our minds sympathetically. Any attempt to break a Bargain will cause eternal torment! Now, come, grab the knobs and we shall declare our Terms and Conditions!"
Gutboy: "You said you needed four - that's not enough. It has to be all of us!"
Ki-Ris: "That is acceptable. Now, enough wasting time! Let the Bargain be struck!"
The party grabbed the knobs (Rufus II gripping with his teeth), and the Bargain began:
Ki-Ris: "You shall, in good faith, carry me and my life support capsule to a clearing at least a mile wide, and place the capsule into the cargo elevator when my ship approaches. In turn, I shall in good faith prevent these living dead from harming you until that time."
Gutboy: "And what happens after we put you on the ship? Promise not to harm us ever!"
Ki-Ris: "Ridiculous! I shall enslave and destroy all human males! Under the condition you depart immediately, I shall not cause you any harm for a twenty-four hour period after returning me to my ship"
Pai Mei: "Good enough!"
The Bargain was struck, and the party could feel their minds linked to Ki-Ris's. He bore them only hatred and malevolence, but they could also feel that the Bargain was in force, and even the slightest thought of betrayal caused great anguish.
All was as Ki-Ris claimed - he returned to his capsule, and the party dragged it through the undead hordes, back up into the cabin, and out into the graveyard, where thousands more corpses were clawing their way up from their graves. The cart and cage were still there, and contained the reanimated corpses of Zeke and his wife. They forced the captured zombie into the cage, and to meet Madame Prespin's quota, they forced three more walking dead into the cage as well. From within the coffin, Ki-Ris yelled "Move it along already!" and they slowly made their way down the mountain, and after a day's journey turned north until they found a meadow large enough to meet Ki-Ris's specifications.
The Green Comet of Undying Flesh hung in the sky above, and as they watched, it grew larger and larger, a halo of flickering green flames surrounding it as it approached the earth. The ship, for that is what it was, was fully a mile in diameter. It hung several hundred feet above the ground, and a tube slowly descended. Once it reached the ground, a door slid open, and the party carried the life support capsule inside. They quickly ran out, and watched as the tube ascended - the ship, however, remained stationary, floating above the field.
The party draped their tents over the cage to hide the living corpses within, and made their way to Chelmsfordshire as fast as they could. The marching of undead hordes coud be heard behind them, and the ship appeared to be an unmoving green moon low in the western sky. They marched straight through Chelmsfordshire without mentioning a word to anyone, and then onwards to Denethix, where Madame Prepin quickly contacted some of her associates and the covered cage was whisked away.
Pai Mei: "So where's our money?"
Madame Prepin: "Look, let's keep this between us right now - it wouldn't be prudent to let the Academy or anyone else in the city know too much about what just happened. You'll get paid, it just has to wait til the political climate is right."
The party eyed some of the broadsheets being sold - the headlines spoke of the Unyielding Fist having been sent north to deal with the inexplicable predations of Ferayn's Exterminators upon the northern villages. With the army so occupied, what fate would befall Chelmsfordshire, and Denethix itself?
Gains: Emerald crown, six required "Goonies" per the Academy contract
Kills: Giant tarantula, zombie, ghoul, mummy (subjugated rather than destroyed)
Losses: Colt "Rottweiler" Seaver, two of Bunny's levels, one forgotten grad student, most likely all of Chelmsfordshire
2013-11-10
Nitty gritty of dungeon design
My players are pretty much at the end of Death Frost Doom. They're probably going to want to head back into the dungeon, so the horror of an unwritten 4th level is staring me in the face.
Going back a few years, check out this post on keying level 1 - I still follow that process by counting the total # of rooms and using that to calculate how many of each different encounter type I should have.
I have a big Word document full of ideas that I haven't put in the dungeon yet. I cull some for being too stupid (choco-medusas, you are DENIED), delay even more to deeper levels, and then assign the tiny remainder to rooms in the 4th level. Finally, I'll mark off the "monsters", "monsters w/ treasure", "specials", etc. that I've used, so I know roughly how many more I have left.
Then - I randomly write little notations in all the unassigned rooms ("M" for monster, "MJ" for monster with treasure, "T" for trap, etc), until I've assigned everything. None of it makes sense now, but it's a starting point.
As I go through writing up each room, occasionally the placement will strike me as ludicrous, and I'll move things around until it works better. But when you've got a few hundred rooms staring you in the face, you have to start somewhere - and for me, it's with this process.
Finally, I figure out how much treasure to put in the entire level by taking the amount of XP it takes a fighter to go from 4th to 5th level, multiplying it by 5 characters in a party, and then multiplying again by 0.8 as roughly 80% of XP comes from treasure, and then doubling because I don't expect players to go through more than half before heading down to the next level. That total number will get divvied up among the dungeon - I'll keep a countdown as I add treasures to the encounters.
All this is a long-winded way of saying I'm actually working on the 4th level now, for those of you wondering when I'm going to publish it...
Going back a few years, check out this post on keying level 1 - I still follow that process by counting the total # of rooms and using that to calculate how many of each different encounter type I should have.
I have a big Word document full of ideas that I haven't put in the dungeon yet. I cull some for being too stupid (choco-medusas, you are DENIED), delay even more to deeper levels, and then assign the tiny remainder to rooms in the 4th level. Finally, I'll mark off the "monsters", "monsters w/ treasure", "specials", etc. that I've used, so I know roughly how many more I have left.
Then - I randomly write little notations in all the unassigned rooms ("M" for monster, "MJ" for monster with treasure, "T" for trap, etc), until I've assigned everything. None of it makes sense now, but it's a starting point.
As I go through writing up each room, occasionally the placement will strike me as ludicrous, and I'll move things around until it works better. But when you've got a few hundred rooms staring you in the face, you have to start somewhere - and for me, it's with this process.
Finally, I figure out how much treasure to put in the entire level by taking the amount of XP it takes a fighter to go from 4th to 5th level, multiplying it by 5 characters in a party, and then multiplying again by 0.8 as roughly 80% of XP comes from treasure, and then doubling because I don't expect players to go through more than half before heading down to the next level. That total number will get divvied up among the dungeon - I'll keep a countdown as I add treasures to the encounters.
All this is a long-winded way of saying I'm actually working on the 4th level now, for those of you wondering when I'm going to publish it...
2013-11-04
session recap, 10/28/2013
CAST
--------
Gutboy the Cleric (6), his henchpeople Trezgar the Elf (2) and Bunny the Thief (4), and his blink dog Rufus II
Pai Mei the Wu Jen (3) and his stuntman, Colt "Rottweiler" Seavers the Type III Bounty Hunter (2)
Having explored a series of unoccupied and featureless rooms to the north of the chapel, Gutboy and Pai Mei turned their attention to the bronze door with no handle. Next to it were stone basins, built in to the wall, each full of teeth. They looked up at the toothless skulls hanging by chains from the ceiling, and a thought occurred - "What if we added fresh teeth?"
A quick scan of the room provided one likely candidate: the dead grad student.
Pai Mei (to living grad student): "You! Go yank out his teeth!"
Grad student: "What? No! NO! IT'S TOO MUCH!"
The constant life-threatening abuse overwhelmed the grad student, and he threw himself at Pai Mei in a burst of psychotic rage. Colt Seavers quickly stepped in, hurling his bola at the student's feet, incapacitating him. The student curled into the fetal position and became unresponsive. Not even threats to his grades by Madame Prepin could make him respond.
Bunny pulled a set of pliers from her thieves' tools and yanked out the dead student's front teeth. She tossed them into the basins, and the door clicked open.
The tunnel beyond had several bronze doors, sealed with valves. They opened the valves, and found crypts beyond, full of thousands of bodies. The few crypts they inspected had but a few gold coins (in addition to their non-zombie occupants) each, so the party decided to ignore the crypts, and sealed them shut again. Madame Prepin was becoming increasingly outraged at the non-shambling-and-brain-eating behavior of the dead within.
They also found a small room with four bloodstained stone slabs. Next to the slabs was a podium, and upon that was an aluminum book, filled with glowing green alien letters, and occasional simplistic anatomical illustrations. The contents were a mystery, until the party stumbled across another room containing something that looked like a jeweler's loupe sitting on a pedestal, and more leatherbound books in the same alien writing. Bunny was able to use the loupe to read the alien writing, although it gave her a headache - the aluminum book they had taken earlier was a manual for the revivification of tortured dead flesh, and the leather-covered books were "The History of Duvan'Ku", volumes one through eighteen.
In a room nearby, they found another podium, with an alien inscription ("Oh brave ones, mark your defiance against the ones who oppress!"), atop which were needles and a vial of glowing green ink. Surmising it was for tattooing, Pai Mei took the needle and inscribed "Do Not Resuscitate" upon the comatose grad student's chest.
Along the long tunnel, they also found more basins, apparently full of coins, and tossed more coins in, to little effect, and then tossed a corpse in one of the basins, also to no effect. Finally, the corridor ended at a room stuffed full of a strange plastic-like vine or hose, covered with holes, thorns, and cobweb-like material - the source of the strange whistling noise.
Pai Mei approached, using the comatose grad student as a human shield between him and the plastic vine. He shone a flashlight through the vine, and saw that it was the same room pictured in the painting in the cabin above, with the skeleton and altar. There was no door next to the altar, just a blank section of wall - perhaps a secret door would be found?
Bunny started poking and prodding the vine with a 20' extensible pole - and the vine lashed out. It only had a short reach, about 5', so Gutboy bravely lobbed oil at the vine. Eventually the party was able to burn the vine away entirely, leaving patches of melted plastic on the floor, and the crypts were now eerily silent.
The party approached the altar, and found a pair of golden goblets atop it, along with an alien book (titled "The Book of Unspeakable Shame", and full of descriptions of shameful acts perpetrated by the cult that worshiped at this site). Inspecting the skeletal statue, Pai Mei found an inscription detailing a ritual to open a secret door, involving a living sacrifice. He eagerly began to push the grad student towards the altar, but was dissuaded when Gutboy easily found a second secret door where the opening was shown in the painting in the cabin above.
As they discussed what to do next, a soggy-bottomed corpse meandered into the room, groaning "braaaiiiiins" - the same corpse they had stuffed into one of the basins. Madame Prepin was ecstatic, and shouted "Behold! The Goonies have arisen! A new Golden Age of Prosperity awaits us!"
Colt Seaver easily captured and bound the "Goonie". As he tied a rope leash around it, the banging of fists on bronze doors was heard from the tunnels - the thousands of dead interred within the crypts had surely arisen. The party decided to make a retreat through the secret door.
Following the ancient stone corridors, they passed several barred doors, most with corpses banging on the other side. Finally, they reached an unbarred door, and opened it to reveal a mist-filled room, with a stone sarcophagus in the center.
And that's where our tale (and its accompanying run-on sentences) ends - for now.
Gains: Two gold cups, Build-Your-Own-Frankenstein book, Book of Unspeakable Shame, glowing green tattoo ink, Loupe of Comprehending Alien Texts, a single "Goonie" on a leash
Kills: None
Losses: None
--------
Gutboy the Cleric (6), his henchpeople Trezgar the Elf (2) and Bunny the Thief (4), and his blink dog Rufus II
Pai Mei the Wu Jen (3) and his stuntman, Colt "Rottweiler" Seavers the Type III Bounty Hunter (2)
Having explored a series of unoccupied and featureless rooms to the north of the chapel, Gutboy and Pai Mei turned their attention to the bronze door with no handle. Next to it were stone basins, built in to the wall, each full of teeth. They looked up at the toothless skulls hanging by chains from the ceiling, and a thought occurred - "What if we added fresh teeth?"
A quick scan of the room provided one likely candidate: the dead grad student.
Pai Mei (to living grad student): "You! Go yank out his teeth!"
Grad student: "What? No! NO! IT'S TOO MUCH!"
The constant life-threatening abuse overwhelmed the grad student, and he threw himself at Pai Mei in a burst of psychotic rage. Colt Seavers quickly stepped in, hurling his bola at the student's feet, incapacitating him. The student curled into the fetal position and became unresponsive. Not even threats to his grades by Madame Prepin could make him respond.
Bunny pulled a set of pliers from her thieves' tools and yanked out the dead student's front teeth. She tossed them into the basins, and the door clicked open.
The tunnel beyond had several bronze doors, sealed with valves. They opened the valves, and found crypts beyond, full of thousands of bodies. The few crypts they inspected had but a few gold coins (in addition to their non-zombie occupants) each, so the party decided to ignore the crypts, and sealed them shut again. Madame Prepin was becoming increasingly outraged at the non-shambling-and-brain-eating behavior of the dead within.
They also found a small room with four bloodstained stone slabs. Next to the slabs was a podium, and upon that was an aluminum book, filled with glowing green alien letters, and occasional simplistic anatomical illustrations. The contents were a mystery, until the party stumbled across another room containing something that looked like a jeweler's loupe sitting on a pedestal, and more leatherbound books in the same alien writing. Bunny was able to use the loupe to read the alien writing, although it gave her a headache - the aluminum book they had taken earlier was a manual for the revivification of tortured dead flesh, and the leather-covered books were "The History of Duvan'Ku", volumes one through eighteen.
In a room nearby, they found another podium, with an alien inscription ("Oh brave ones, mark your defiance against the ones who oppress!"), atop which were needles and a vial of glowing green ink. Surmising it was for tattooing, Pai Mei took the needle and inscribed "Do Not Resuscitate" upon the comatose grad student's chest.
Along the long tunnel, they also found more basins, apparently full of coins, and tossed more coins in, to little effect, and then tossed a corpse in one of the basins, also to no effect. Finally, the corridor ended at a room stuffed full of a strange plastic-like vine or hose, covered with holes, thorns, and cobweb-like material - the source of the strange whistling noise.
Pai Mei approached, using the comatose grad student as a human shield between him and the plastic vine. He shone a flashlight through the vine, and saw that it was the same room pictured in the painting in the cabin above, with the skeleton and altar. There was no door next to the altar, just a blank section of wall - perhaps a secret door would be found?
Bunny started poking and prodding the vine with a 20' extensible pole - and the vine lashed out. It only had a short reach, about 5', so Gutboy bravely lobbed oil at the vine. Eventually the party was able to burn the vine away entirely, leaving patches of melted plastic on the floor, and the crypts were now eerily silent.
The party approached the altar, and found a pair of golden goblets atop it, along with an alien book (titled "The Book of Unspeakable Shame", and full of descriptions of shameful acts perpetrated by the cult that worshiped at this site). Inspecting the skeletal statue, Pai Mei found an inscription detailing a ritual to open a secret door, involving a living sacrifice. He eagerly began to push the grad student towards the altar, but was dissuaded when Gutboy easily found a second secret door where the opening was shown in the painting in the cabin above.
As they discussed what to do next, a soggy-bottomed corpse meandered into the room, groaning "braaaiiiiins" - the same corpse they had stuffed into one of the basins. Madame Prepin was ecstatic, and shouted "Behold! The Goonies have arisen! A new Golden Age of Prosperity awaits us!"
Colt Seaver easily captured and bound the "Goonie". As he tied a rope leash around it, the banging of fists on bronze doors was heard from the tunnels - the thousands of dead interred within the crypts had surely arisen. The party decided to make a retreat through the secret door.
Following the ancient stone corridors, they passed several barred doors, most with corpses banging on the other side. Finally, they reached an unbarred door, and opened it to reveal a mist-filled room, with a stone sarcophagus in the center.
And that's where our tale (and its accompanying run-on sentences) ends - for now.
Gains: Two gold cups, Build-Your-Own-Frankenstein book, Book of Unspeakable Shame, glowing green tattoo ink, Loupe of Comprehending Alien Texts, a single "Goonie" on a leash
Kills: None
Losses: None
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