Netal the Elf (3), his henchmen Brad the Fighter (1) and Snidely Whiplash the Fighter(?) (1), and his pit bulls Timmy and Jimmy
Mongo the Fighter (3)
George P. Burdell the Cleric (1) and his henchman, Slick Eddie the Thief (1)
Gutboy Barrellhouse the Cleric (3)
In our last session, the party had begun exploring the lair of the Painted Men. Having dispatched the incompetent and surprised security guards, they headed south, further into the lair. The southern corridor ended at a long east-west hallway, with many other corridors and doors off it. Choosing the first, they entered into a large room filled with rusty metal chairs, surrounding a black metal pillar with a red button on it.
Mongo pressed the red button with his extending 20' pole, and a woman's voice said "Welcome to the Learnatorium. Select a topic to continue." Four blue squares with writing upon them appeared above the pillar: Evolution, Arithmetic, Anomalies, and Basic Accounting. Speaking the topics aloud brought the following lectures:
Evolution: A scientist explained that Lamarckian evolution appeared to be the rule in the Anomalous Subsurface environment, and displayed a blind cave centipede that had developed eyes after being kept in a light-box. The hologram cut out, and returned with the same scientist, who expressed concerns about the pale white children being born after the parents set up a circus for their entertainment. It cut out again, and the scientist appeared, bloody and broken, warning that under no circumstances should people be living below.
Arithmetic: A young woman appeared, asking the party simple arithmetical questions. After a few answers, she explained that no, 3+3 equals 7, and the party were very stupid children.
Anomalies: A scientist appeared, and listed some interesting topics: the Lazarus Chamber on the 2nd level, the Fountain Room on the 3rd level - and then cut out with a "RAM ERROR", whatever that means
Basic Accounting - Incredibly boring, the party ordered the playback to stop
Moving on to the next room, they found a messy dining room, the table covered with the remains of painted men and other humanoids. Netal peeked through an archway into the room beyond the kitchen, and nearly took a cleaver to the face - the cook had heard them enter!
There was a brief fight, and Mongo circled around behind the cook to deliver the killing blow. Netal eagerly gutted the cook, and was finally rewarded for his ghoulish habit - inside the cook's stomach was a half-digested hand with a golden bracelet. The party then searched the cookpots, and found that one was filled with gold and a potion in a clay bottle.
Going deeper in the lair, and according to their map, closer to the big-top, they encountered a series of bathrooms and showers. These rooms were mostly full of clown-feces, and one had large blue mushrooms. George cut the head off one of the mushrooms and stuffed it in his backpack, hoping to sell it for profit at a later point. They also encountered several painted men wandering the halls, and slaughtered the increasing numbers of clowns with little problem.
Mongo began to be nervous about the proximity to the circus, and fearing being dragged in to watch The Show, they decided to retreat out of the lair and explore some other tunnels off of the 2nd level entrance. They followed one short tunnel that ended in a door, to which three heads were nailed: a painted man, a troglodyte, and a child's head.
Netal and Mongo began hammering on the door with their fists - and were greeted with a hearty "F*** off!" They continued banging and taunting, and the door suddenly swung open - revealing a completely buck-naked, nine foot tall painted man. He had teeth of gleaming steel, a massive jug of hooch in one hand, and a viper wrapped around his neck.
Netal quickly cast sleep upon the monster - and his snake promptly began napping. The giant hurled the sleeping snake at Netal, waking it as it bounced off his chest, while Mongo attempted a mighty blow to fell the fiend - but luck was on the monstrous clown's side, and the blade merely scratched him.
Annoyed, the giant took a mouthful of booze from his jug, clashed his steel teeth together, and the spark ignited the moonshine as he spat it into Mongo's face. Meanwhile, Netal faired no better, as the snake bit him in the leg, injecting him with lethal poison. Gutboy cast his delay poison on Netal, and the henchmen unleashed the pit bulls - who attacked the giant and snake as the party ran for their lives. Netal tossed back the potion they had just found, but there was no effect - whatever it did, it wasn't curing his poison.
Clearly, there was only one way to save Netal - another trip to Dr. Giggles. As the party ran off, they heard a door slam, but the dogs continued barking and snarling, so fighting was still going on behind them. No matter - the party had to get to Dr. Giggles quickly. As they finally reached the office, the nurse exclaimed "You again? Would you like to sign up for our frequent patient program? Four visits and the fifth is free!"
Dr. Giggles ran out and escorted Netal to the OR. He pulled out his sharpest bone saw, and immediately cut Netal's leg off. As Netal rolled around in excruciating agony, the good doctor wondered aloud about where he would get a replacement. Glancing at the floor, he saw the remains of the painted man he had slaughtered for his lungs a few weeks ago - ahh well, fresh enough to give it a try! The doctor crudely sewed the clown leg and its massive clown foot on to Netal, and went over the stitching with a humming high-tech medical device. "As good as new!" the doctor exclaimed.
After much praise from Gutboy, the doctor escorted the party to post-op, and bid them farewell. They quickly hurried from the dungeon, heading back to Denethix to rest and spend their hard-won treasure.
Back in town:
a. Mongo discovered that Janet, Jack, Chrissie, and the Ropers continued to be missing. He spoke to upstairs neighbor George, who hadn't seen the Ropers either, and told Mongo to knock it off with all the late-night chanting. This was, understandably, disturbing. Downstairs neighbor Larry also complained about all the chanting in Mongo's apartment.
b. Netal discovered that his foot smelled, pretty bad. Soap isn't helping. Other than the stink, and the back pains caused by the uneven legs, and the need for special giant custom-made clown boots, the leg-replacement-surgery is a perfect success
c. George manages to sell his mushroom cap to a fungus merchant for 2 sp
d. Gutboy finds a few coppers left in the donation bowl in the booth of Nisus, and pockets them. The God's Eyes in the booth remain blank
The party also visited Frondgar, the elven sage, and discovered:
1. They had found a bottle of liquid labeled "Orange Water from Fountain, Level 3, Thaumaturgically Preserved." on level 1, many months before Frondgar found that both the bottle and liquid inside were magical. The bottle could be used to preserve the magical qualities of waters from a certain fountain, and the liquid would act as a potion of healing
2. The bronze jug that Netal had been carting around for months (taken from a room full of misty arches) was also magical - if filled with water, and the water poured into basins within a certain room, magical effects would occur. He couldn't be more specific than that
Armed with this new information, the party headed back to the dungeon, making their way to the old misty-arch room they had found on the first level many months ago. There were mists of many colors, red, yellow, orange, black, white, blue, green, and purple, and beyond each were rooms with interesting murals. One by one, they experimented with pouring water into the basins in each of the rooms. The jug was refilled with water from the barrels left in the morlock lair.
Orange - the room beyond was painted with orange poppies. Mongo went in, poured the water, and became stoned out of his gourd. He walked out, and suddenly Snidely volunteered to give it a go. The second pour into the orange room did nothing.
Black - the room beyond was completely black. Snidely poured water into the basin, and his eyes became jet black orbs, like an elf's or a dwarf's - and he could see with their wide-spectrum vision
Blue - the room was painted with an undersea scene. Netal poured, and nothing happened. He shoved his head into a water barrel to see if gills would appear, but was too nervous to try breathing in the water
White - the room was painted with clouds in a blue sky. Brad poured, and he began flying around in the air
Purple - the room was painted with veins of various purple shades. George poured, and the veins of purple color coiled around him, acting as mystical armor
Red - the room was painted with flames. Netal poured, and a marble-sized ball of fire fell to the floor. Netal picked it up and put it into an empty vial
Yellow - the room was painted with a mural of a party, with the guests recoiling in horror from a figure in a tattered mask. George poured, and the mural came to life - just as the King in Yellow entered the party. The horrible visage of the King caused George to lose 3 wisdom points
Green - the room was painted with a jungle scene. Mongo poured, and a monkey leapt from the ceiling and clung to his back, howling incessantly. Eventually Netal cast sleep, and they slaughtered the monkey as it snoozed on Mongo's shoulder. This totally harshed Mongo's mellow.
The party headed back out of the dungeon - and found that most of the effects disappeared. The exceptions were Snidely's wide-spectrum vision and George's wisdom loss, which appear to be permanent, and the fate of Netal's ball of fire remains unknown - he didn't check.
Gains: 520 gp, 100 gp bracelet, unknown potion (quaffed by Netal)
Kills: 5 painted men, 1 painted man cook
Losses: pit bulls Timmy and Jimmy