session recap, 6/28/2012


Mongo the Fighter (4) and his henchladies "Bunny" the Thief (1) and Nancy "the Wrathful" the Fighter (1)
Razoe the Fantra Paladin (3) and yet another dog

At the end of the last session, the entire crew had recruited Sancho the Skeleton to join them, albeit temporarily, and had been milling about in a room full of delicious-smelling foodstuffs, with a six-armed robot suspended above the table.

Mongo heard a noise, and turned around quickly - Gutboy, George, and their retainers were gone.  He heard some splashing footsteps receding in the distance, and interestingly enough, splashing footsteps approaching. Into the room marched Razoe, leading a dog that he had not yet bothered to name.

Sancho was still hanging out, despite Gutboy's departure ("Ehh, more interesting than hanging out in the tomb again"), so they wandered off in search of a passage deeper.  Or to treasure.  The goal was unclear, there were vague discussions about the route to Miami, but at least they were moving.

First they stopped at a broken elevator that Sancho had mentioned - this would be surely be a quick route down, if it had been repaired.  Sadly, that was not the case.  They peered through the bronze bulkhead door into the elevator - all that was left was paper-thin sheets of rust.  The buttons were promising, reading "3", "5", and "6", but the thing looked like a death trap.  Mongo dropped an iron spike down the shaft - it was several seconds before he heard a faint "plink" echo back up.  There were no cables running down the elevator - looking up through holes in the ceiling, they saw some machinery connected to the top, the wound steel cables an almost solid block of rust - but without a very, very long rope, they weren't heading down any time soon.

They proceeded to the "wide halls" that Sancho had mentioned. At the entrance to the 30' wide, 30' tall hall was a 12' tall statue of a muscle-man in a loincloth. Moss was growing on the statue's head, completely covering it.  Mongo prodded it with his pole (ha, ha, ha), but it did not move.  He approached carefully - and his mind became full of an overwhelming urge to grab the moss and drape it over his head.

Shaking the bizarre thoughts off, he quickly backed away - and pulled out his flamethrower.  He hosed the moss down with fiery oil, and it was soon reduced to ashes.  Searching the statue, they discovered two things:

1. The face had a seam around it.  Bunny climbed up the statue, and spun the face - it unscrewed from the rest of the statue.  The face was then stowed in Razoe's backpack

2. Under the stone loincloth was a leather pouch, containing two large round pearls

They followed the wide water-filled corridors further into the dungeon, heading east when they could, and paused to investigate a door.  Behind the door was a room with a large stainless steel tank, hoses reaching down to just above the water level.  Mongo extended his pole and probed around the floor, triggering a trap - the hoses began spraying something, and the water in the room quickly turned to ice.  They quickly slammed the door, and frost formed on its outer surface.

When they tried opening it again, they found it stuck - the frozen water inside was jamming it shut.  They soon heard something else - something was chipping at the ice.

Mongo: (knock, knock)
Voice: "Who is this?  Answer, or die!"
Mongo: "This is Mongo. Who are you?"
Voice: "I am Grolikus!  Remain where you are, or I shall destroy you!"
Mongo: "Sancho, do you know who this is?"
Sancho: "Grolikus, eh? Pretty sure he's a goblin. Those guys wander into my tomb sometimes."
Grolikus: "Sancho? You have plagued me long enough!"
Mongo: "If we open this door, can you kill them, Sancho?"
Sancho: "Well yeah, but you wouldn't like it."
Mongo: "I wouldn't mind."
Sancho: "You wouldn't stick around"
Mongo: "Well, what if we left you here to kill them?"
Sancho: "Seriously?  No."
Grolikus: "Remain where you are!  We are almost done!"
Mongo: "How many of you are there?"
Grolikus: "Many! Enough questions!"
Mongo: "Maybe we could help you. What do you want?"
Grolikus: "What? Yes, you will serve Grolikus.  You will fight my enemies.  Start with the Hinge-Headed, you shall bring me their minds."
Mongo: "To eat?"
Grolikus: "What? No, how would you do that? Where are you from?"
Mongo: "The surface"
Grolikus: "Ahh. You truly are from the surface. The seals have been broken.  Soon, we shall rule all!"
Mongo: "Right. So how many brains do you want?"
Grolikus: "However many you can get. At least one.  Now remain where you are!"

Mongo and Razoe conferred, and decided to high-tail it out of there before the goblins escaped from the room. They headed north, peered through an archway, seeing another watery chamber full of rusty folding chairs and bodies bobbing in the water, and then ducked into a room opposite the archway.

In the center of this room stood a flat-topped hexagonal pillar, 4' high, with a hexagonal opening atop it. There was no time to investigate though - they headed through a side door, and ducked into a closet, in which three ancient suits of silvery material with cracked plastic boots, gloves, and helmets hung.  They hid for a bit, then emerged.

Still nervous about goblins, they continued heading north, and reached a point where two of the 30' wide corridors intersected each other.  In the middle of the intersection was a peculiar sight - four 2' wide holes in the water, 10' apart, arranged in a rough rectangle.

Mongo cautiously approached the holes, and felt the swish of air in front of him - the holes quickly filled with water, and new holes splashed down closer to him.  They were the legs of an invisible beast!

Battle ensued - the beast grabbed up Mongo in its invisible claws, and held him high in the air.  Mongo swung futilely at its claws, while Razoe, the henchladies, and Sancho took shots at the thing.  Sancho's aim was dead-on, the bullets from his strange revolver leaving trails of bluish ectoplasm as they ripped into the beast.  Their combined efforts soon finished the monster, and it dropped Mongo into the water as it died.  Sadly, Razoe had to let go of his dog's leash during the fight, and it fled into the darkness, away from the terrifying undead Sancho.

The beast's corpse slowly became visible, revealing a football-shaped mass of tentacles with four elephantine legs, two armored claws, and a gaping maw atop its body.  Razoe lost no time in gutting it, looking for treasure in its belly.  He was rewarded with:

1. The half-digested corpse of a medusa. Thankfully, the face was too digested to turn him to stone
2. Many coins - silver and platinum
3. A silvery-green robe

The party decided that they had gone far enough - Mongo was badly wounded. So they headed back towards the water cavern from which dangled their rope, the only way back to the surface they knew.  Along the way they passed the room that Grolikus had been in - the door was now open, the ice behind it chipped away to allow it to open.  They searched the room, but saw no way that goblins could have entered.  How they got there after the trap was triggered was a mystery.

They passed through Sancho's tomb - "And now I am drawn back to my throne.  Fare thee well.  I must remain here now."

They then passed through the room with the many foods on the table.  Razoe paused to grab a bacon cheeseburger with grilled cheese sandwiches used for the buns, and prepared to leave.  The robot above the table spoke - "I understand you want to take some home with you, but do be aware that any effects beyond sheer deliciousness will be inoperable away from my particular magnetic influences."

A debate ensued, and Mongo, Bunny, and Nancy formed a pact.  They would all try one of the foods.

Bunny went first, choosing the grilled cheese bacon cheeseburger.  The robot said "You have chosen the most awesome sandwich available. Enjoyment is inevitable."  She gained +5 hp on the spot.

Mongo grabbed an identical sandwich and bit into it - but nothing happened.  The robot chided him, saying "Please try a different food. My culinary delights are best enjoyed as a surprise!"  Grumbling, he decided on a piece of carrot cake.  His skin became somewhat rough and orange, as the robot informed him "It is amazing that something so sweet can be made from a root buried in dirt. Perhaps if you were buried you would be as sweet?"

Finally, Nancy the Wrathful chewed on a piece of pepperoni pizza.  The robot intoned, "It all goes straight to your thighs. Immediately, thanks to the hormones I've added."  Nancy grunted in pain as she immediately bloated out, gaining 21 pounds instantly.  She took a dagger and sawed off the straps on her armor, and began turning red with fury.  Wearing nothing but her far-too-tight underwear, she leaped up onto the table, jiggling in places she normally wouldn't, and began hammering away at the robot with her sword. "Buuuut I coooook deeeliiiishuuuuusssss fooooooooo...." it said as it was smashed into pieces.  Nothing was left but wires and a few dangling bits of metal when she was done.

Now that the experimentation with the food robot had been brought to a rather permanent close, the party headed out of the dungeon and back to Chelmsfordshire.  A rather long debate led to a quick experiment, and Mongo allowed Razoe to bury him up to his neck in dirt. The soothing soil was delightful, and Mongo felt his wounds heal almost instantly.  He had gained the rather inconvenient power of regenerating-while-buried.  He made a mental note to experiment with layering his armor with soil, to see if the effect could be made a little more practical.

The duo decided they would risk heading back to Denethix, as Mongo's new orange countenance would be an impenetrable disguise, and they need not fear Mr. Roper, Janet, and "the book" finding him.  They sought out Frondgar the elven sage, and had him use his mystical insights to identify the silvery-green robe.  It was an ancient garment known as a robe of climate control, capable of providing comfort in hot and cold weather, and some minor protection from fire- and cold-based damage.

With a haul of coins, jewels, and super-science, and a new super-power, the mission was a total success for everyone except Slightly Chubby Nancy the Wrathful.

Gains: 2 pearls (200 gp each), screw-off stone muscle-man face, 1528 sp, 63 pp, robe of climate control, 5 hp, 21 pounds
Kills: Invisible beast
Losses: Unnamed dog, Nancy's dignity


  1. 2. Under the stone loincloth was a leather pouch, containing two large round pearls

    Love it. I do enjoy these play reports :)

  2. Gonna 2nd Simon here your treasure placement is excellent.