session recap, 7/25/2012

Mongo the Fighter (4) and his henchladies "Bunny" the Thief (1) and Nancy "the Wrathful" the Fighter (1)
Razoe the Fantra Paladin (3), his compsognathus Deano, and a baby grunkie
George P. Burdell the Cleric (2) and his henchmen, Slick Eddie the Thief (1) and Seegar the Elf (1), and his dog
Gutboy the Cleric (4), his henchman Trezgar the Elf (1) and his dog Rufus II

As happens with most sessions, this one begins with some shopping.  Down at the Bazaar Incomparable, Razoe accosts one of the animal vendors about purchasing a dinosaur.  He is informed that the order of the Fantra would look askance at any unsanctioned attempt to purchase a riding dinosaur - he must wait for the proper time. He does purchase a turkey-sized compsognathus, and a trained baby grunkie to ride upon it.

As the shopping concluded, a short man with a beard (but not a dwarf) walked up to George and Razoe.  "Hey - I was standing in this temple, and this god shows up - he says, go talk to the fellows hanging out with the carrot-man at the bazaar, and tell him to come meet me.  It's the temple made out of gears.  So you been told, and I'm outta here, I don't need this hassle."

The pair headed towards the temple, with Mongo trailing behind.  Inside, the image of Kiod, the god of robots, appears on the God's Eye.

Kiod:  "Kneel before Kiod!"
Razoe: "Hey, how's it going?"
Kiod, grumbling:  "It is customary to kneel before the gods."
(Razoe, George, and Mongo kneel)
Kiod: "Good.  This priest Gutboy has paid far too much attention to Nisus.  I have blocked her transmissions, but there is still chatter about that ridiculous sacrifice.  You must procure for me a grander sacrifice.  Find a glorious robot, and bring it to the Winter Festival in four week's time for sacrifice.  I, Kiod, command this!"
George: "We will do this, but your servants could use something to help with this task!"
Kiod: "You dare request favors of me? Very well, priests, you shall be granted with powers beyond your comprehension. Use them to fulfill my commands!"
George: "Would Janet do?"
Kiod: "Janet?  Ahh, I see in your mind, you believe she is a cyborg.  It would be unorthodox, but yes, a cyborg Janet is acceptably glorious."

The God's Eye flickered with rainbow colors, and Razoe's head became filled with the knowledge of the commune spell. George's mind was likewise filled with knowledge of the obscure plague of robots spell.

The party left the temple, and ran into Gutboy as they were heading to the Grand Temple to book some time at the Winter Festival.  While Razoe and George were putting down the 20% deposit, Gutboy heard whispering from behind a curtain - "Gutboy! Come here!"

Peeking behind, Gutboy saw a small room with a God's Eye on the floor, leaning against a wall. Sparking cables ran from the Eye into the wall.  As he watched, Nisus's form (hundreds of crawling bugs) appeared on the Eye.

Nisus: "That vain fool Kiod has been interfering with my communications. But I have intercepted his thoughts, and I know of the sacrifice he desires.  I command you, when the sacrifice is obtained, fill the body of the robot with insects and vermin, and all shall know whose sacrifice is being made at the Festival."
Gutboy: "Can you explain?"
Nisus: "What? You dare question me?"
Gutboy: "Come on, you know me - I need it written out"
Nisus: "This is true. When the robot's body is filled with bugs, and the priests pull it apart at the Festival during the sacrifice, the bugs will spill out, and all will know that it is I who have been honored, and not Kiod."
Gutboy: "Oh.  Can I get some help, too?"
Nisus: "Yes, that buffoon Kiod has invested his power into those priests.  You too shall know power beyond your means."

Gutboy found himself with knowledge of the dispel magic spell, as the Eye shimmered with rainbow hues.

The party conferred, and a plan was hatched - they would send Bunny into the Regal Beagle, where Mr. Roper was headquartered, with word that Mongo would be at the Winter Festival. Janet would be sure to show up to the festival to exact her revenge, and they would sacrifice her without having to go through the steps of capturing and detaining a robot.  This plan didn't require immediate action, so they headed off to the dungeon to find some loot.

Off to the dungeon they went - at the wide cavern on the first level, they saw that a rival adventuring party had managed to tie a rope across the chasm, and must have headed down the stairs on the other side to the second level.  There was a short argument about whether to cross, that ended when Razoe slashed the rope.  The question was settled - they'd be dropping a line straight down to the third level.

The long, arduous process of lowering men, women, and beasts to the watery cave below somehow didn't attract any unwanted attention, and the party made their way through the wide tunnels, seeking the route to Miami.  Following Sancho the Skeleton's directions, they made their way through a few fungus-filled rooms, where they carefully skirted around the molds, and made their way to a pair of staircases leading up to an underground lake, whose waters spilled down and were responsible for flooding the rest of the level.  There were no boats, and no ledges around the edge of the cavern that contained the lake, so the group moved on.

Heading north, they came across an archway - beyond was a staircase heading up, and a scaled humanoid whose jaws were stuffed with oversized teeth. The creature announced, "Halt, strangers. Only an upright man may pass."  When questioned further, he would only state that he was "Bathakrog, last of the Tooth-Men.  Our empire is no more.  I alone remain."

The gloomy tooth-man didn't elaborate further, so the party walked past him, and found an arrow-shaped room whose blunted tip ended in a stone wall. The sides of the room were covered with black hemispheres, 2" wide, spaced 2" apart.  At head level, the spheres shone red beams of light at eachother across the room.

Mongo experimented with breaking the beams using his pole, but nothing happened.  Razoe then sent the grunkie in, riding atop Deano the compsognathus.  As his pets reached the far end of the room, the black spheres suddenly blazed with light, firing high-power lasers across the room, cutting the dinosaur and grunkie into bloody cubes of meat.

Mongo suddenly remembered the tooth-man's advice - "only an upright man may pass" - and strode to the far end of the room, standing tall, his head breaking the beams of light.  He arrived safely at the other side, and discovered a loose block of stone - pressing it caused the stone wall to slide away, revealing a room beyond.  He shone his flashlight in, illuminating a spherical green figure with a wide mouth.

The green monster proclaimed, "I am Carumnox, guardian of the stairs!  All must pay!  The stairs are mine, and all must pay, with coin or with blood!"

The party crowded into the room, and Razoe and George paid his price - 50 gp each. The creature took their coins, and poured them down its throat.  While it harangued the rest of the party for cash, Razoe and George opened the door on the other side of the room, and began climbing down the stairs.  They led 200' down, presumably to the fourth level - the room at the bottom held nothing but a skeleton, the backside of a secret door, and the words "Why me?" scratched onto the wall next to the door.

The players still at the top argued about whether to pay, as Carumnox grew impatient - and then the return of Razoe and George precipitated action.  Carumnox shouted "Coming back, you pay as well!" at the pair, and Mongo drew his sword.  Infuriated by his impudence, Carumnox's jaw unhinged, and the spherical humanoid leapt at Mongo, intending to swallow him whole - missing by a scant few inches.  Mongo swung wildly, barely scratching Carumnox, while George's henchman Slick Eddie snuck up behind. The thief stabbed Carumnox in the back, slicing through his spinal cord, and the monster collapsed.

The adventurers poured oil on the monster and set it aflame, fearing that it was a troll with regenerative powers.  After it had roasted for a bit, Razoe gutted the thing, looking for the money they had paid it.  He found only coin-shaped charred meat-nuggets - the creature's digestive system had converted the treasure into food.

Intrigued by the fourth level, the party headed down for a look. They opened the secret door at the bottom of the stairs, revealing a room full of stinking hides and gnawed bones.  A single naked man stood in the middle of the room, with a look of surprise on his face.

Gutboy immediately cast his hold person spell upon the man, and they bound him firmly with rope.  When the paralysis wore off, the man began squirming and howling, his features changing into that of a furred beast - George began hammering on the bound man with his silver-plated mace, and the lycanthrope was quickly silenced.

Elated at having found an entrance to the fourth level, the party declared victory and headed back up to the surface.  As they climbed up to the first level, they heard shouting from the far side of the cavern, and saw torchlight - an angered adventuring party was asking them if they had cut the rope.

Razoe: "No, it wasn't us - it was Slezgar"
Adventurer:  "That guy? I hate that guy!  He's dead meat! Can you toss us a rope?"
Razoe:  "Sure, who are you?"
Adventurer: "I am Boris - we are the Badenovs."
George: "Where's Fearless Leader?"
Boris the Adventurer:  "Sadly, he has died down below, fighting the clowns.  Man, I hate their stupid 'show'."

Having bonded over their mutual hatred of Slezgar and the clowns, Mongo tied a rope to an iron spike and tossed it across the chasm.  Boris tied it on the other side, and the eight survivors of the Badenov expedition crawled across the rope.  The Badenovs suggested ambushing Slezgar, and the two parties headed to the entrance to the dungeon to get into position and wait for the hated Excellent Elven Edventurers.

Gains:  Stairs to the fourth level
Kills:  Carumnox, werewolf
Losses:  Deano the compsognathus, baby grunkie


  1. Nice, I await Slezgar "Enthusiastic about hanging
    out with those short-lived humans" end with much anticipation.

  2. Gods are indeed petty and cruel.