Session recap, 10/27/2011

Netal the Elf (2), and his slave Roger the Fighter
Mongo the Fighter (2), and his henchmen Leroy Brown the Cleric and Lorgar the Elf
Gutboy the Cleric (3), his henchman Serlo the Elf, and his dog Rufus

The morning started off, as it typically does, with Mongo consulting his evil book.  The cartoons within were arranged in a flowchart - the first panel depicted Mongo reading the evil book, with a cartoon that had Mongo killing Netal, Gutboy, Janet, and Chrissie.  Arrows leading off in one direction showed further panels where Mongo killed his friends and neighbors, and was rewarded with piles of gold and a bevy of beautiful naked women.  Arrows leading off in the other direction showed panels where Mongo gave his friends and neighbors big hugs, went to bed, and then was found in the morning chopped into little pieces, with the evil book sitting in a big pool of his blood.

Mongo thought about a bit, and decided he'd split the difference by not hugging Netal or Gutboy.  Hoping that not-hugging was enough to satisfy the evil book, he headed off to buy some replacement plate mail at the Bazaar Incomparable.

After shopping was complete, the party gathered up their henchmen and headed off to the border village of Chelmsfordshire.  Once there, Gutboy checked out the shrine to Nisus - it had been trampled into the dirt by pigs.  Enraged, he sought out the dirt farmers he had brought around to the worship of Nisus, and found them getting drunk at the Pig's Bride.

Gutboy:  "Have you seen the shrine?  It's in horrible condition!  Who was supposed to be watching it?"
Drunks:  "Uhhh.... aren't you the priest?"
Gutboy (remembering he is, in fact, the official priest of Chelmsfordshire):  "I left you in charge!  Get out there and clean up that shrine!  Now!"

Grumbling, the farmers went off to restore the shrine to its former wormy glory.  After they left, a soldier of the Unyielding Fist approached Gutboy.

Soldier:  "Father, can you bless us?  We need all the help we can get in that horrible pit under the mountain!"
Gutboy:  "What's going on?  Have you been inside?"
Soldier:  "We don't go in there anymore!  But things keep coming out to kill us, so we're walling the hole up"
Gutboy:  "Really?  What's coming out?"
Soldier:  "Tentacles, all we see are tentacles, they're dragging us into the darkness."
Gutboy:  "So nobody's going down there?"
Soldier:  "No, we're going to deny the place to any wizards who go poking around.  It's all getting walled up.  But you remember the lights that were shining?  There was one, higher up the mountain, by a collapsed tunnel, and some idiot's digging it up.  Must be related to somebody on the Council, we're ordered not to interfere.  You know how it is."
Gutboy:  "Yes, of course."
Soldier:  "So can we have a blessing?"
Gutboy:  "Yes, tomorrow morning we'll have a village-wide service."

Gutboy decided he was in dire need of funds, and figured passing the hat was an excellent way to raise some much-needed cash.  At the service the next day, he gave a rousing sermon about the necessity of obeying the gods, particularly Nisus, and how she would protect farmers and soldiers alike.  This done, he passed a bucket around, urging people to give - but this only incensed the crowd, who began taunting Gutboy as a worthless money-grubber.  The bucket came back with only a measly 4 gp.

The party decided it was high time to head to Mount Rendon and the dungeon, so they quickly purchased five pigs, and headed into the wilderness.  On the way there, they were surprised by a dozen musclebound doberman-headed men, wearing only loincloths and sandals, and wielding wicked scimitars.  The dog-headed men growled, and demanded that the party empty their bags and give them all their money, and told them that "Canus would hear of it!" if they didn't comply.

Gutboy tried to convince the dog-headed men to join them in an adventure underground and gain great treasure, but the men only laughed, explaining that they'd just take whatever treasure he found when he came back out.  Negotiations quickly broke down, sleep spells were cast, and battle ensued - the party came out victorious, and kept one of the dog-headed-men alive, slitting the throats of the other sleepers.

The party headed into the dungeon, and went straight to the morlock's lair.  Mongo argued for slaughtering the morlocks and taking their stuff, but Gutboy was opposed, finding them to be valuable allies.  Inertia won the day, and the party decided to just hand the pigs and the dog-headed-man over to the morlocks as a gesture of goodwill.

Knocking on the door to the lair, a lone morlock answered, and his jaw dropped in delight as he surveyed the pigs and dog-man.  "Pigs!  And people!  Delicious!" he exclaimed, taking a quick bite out of the whimpering humanoid.  He quickly called for help, and a half dozen more morlocks appeared to help drag the meaty bounty into their lair.  There were squeals and whimpers of pain as the morlocks nibbled at their prizes while dragging them into the darkness.

The party decided to see what the morlocks were up to, and followed them inside the lair - the fiends were too excited to notice the party was behind them.  They came into a large chamber, with a massive demonic idol in the corner, with several rotting hearts impaled on its forehead-horn, and holding a great gold bowl in its lap.  Stacked next to a stew-pot were several human-looking arms and legs.

As the party entered, Chief Gribnel, leader of the morlocks, emerged from a room to the south.  He had a silver circlet on his forehead, and an ivory brooch pinned through his bare chest, and wore two keys on a leather thong tied around his neck.  He saw the many pigs, the dog-faced-man, and the party, and his face broke out in a wide smile.

Gribnel:  "Mongos bring much food!  We feast!  Mongos must stay and eat with us!"
Gutboy:  "Could we stay overnight?  We could use some rest"
Gribnel:  "Yes!  I give you one of my women tonight!  You take her, she the ugliest, I don't miss her!"
Gutboy:  "So what are those arms?"
Gribnel:  "They make sign, how you say?  Eeeee's?"
Mongo:  "Excellent Elven Edventurers?"
Gribnel:  "Yes.  No problem?"
Gutboy:  "No, no problem!"

Gribnel walked over to the dog-faced man.  "You want piece of him?  He looks delicious!"  The party mumbled a bit and said they'd prefer the pigs, and the chief merely shrugged as he pulled out a knife and decapitated the whining dog-man.  "More for me!"

The party had an excellent meal of boiled pork, and bedded down among the moldy rags the morlocks used for sleeping.  Gutboy made use of his complimentary morlock woman as a pillow, but declined to take things any farther.  When they awoke, the cook fires had burned low, and the elves in the felt their minds refreshed and ready to re-learn their sleep spells.

They bid the morlocks farewell, and headed to the stairs they had discovered during the last foray into the dungeon, leading down to the second level.  They returned to the room where the gray slime had attacked and destroyed Mongo's armor, and found a humanoid poking around in the puddle in the center of the room.  The creature had rainbow-colored matted hair, and was dressed in a motley of dyed skins.  Gutboy shouted "Hello!", and the thing turned - its skin was ghost-white, and its mouth had massive red lips and was filled with pointed fangs.  Clearly, they had stumbled upon one of the Painted Men the morlocks had warned them about.

Painted Man:  "Strangers!  Customers!  You must come with me!  Come!"
Gutboy:  "Come where?"
Painted Man:  "So exciting!  Exciting!  So long since new people come!  You must come to our circus!"
All:  "Wha????"

The party argued a bit among themselves, and decided to chance following this freakish clown-monster and see what it was talking about.  The monster led them to a room with a large tapestry, with the words "Anomalous Subsurface Cirus Ahead!  Family Fun for All Ages!" embroidered onto it.  Large arrows on the tapestry pointed towards a slit in its middle, and in front of the tapestry stood a wooden lectern.  The lectern had no visible shelves in its solid square body, so the party followed the clown through the slit.

Beyond the tapestry was a room with a second Painted Man.  This clown was a sleep, til the first kicked him awake.  He looked surprised to see the party, and began jumping up and down excitedly.  "Ticket!  Ticket!" he shouted, as the first clown ran past and out of the room shouting "Visitors!  Customers!"  Gutboy explained they had no tickets, and the clown switched to shouting "Gold!  One gold!"

The party dutifully handed over 1 gp per member, and walked past the ticket-taker into an enormous room, nearly 200' across.  Occuping most of the room was a geodesic dome made of multi-colored acrylic triangles.  Surrounding the dome were booths with various midway games and concession stands, and nearby was a stone dais, atop which stood a "normal" human.  The man wore a straw boater's hat, a red tailcoat, and a pinstripe suit made from dyed face-skins, and carried a cane in one hand.  The man approached the party, and began to talk rapidly.

Carnival barker:  "What amazing wisdom you've shown in choosing to visit the greatest circus under the ground!  Step right up for the amazing acts..."
Gutboy:  "Is there cotton candy ?!?"
Barker:  "Why yes, there is, at the concession stand..."
Gutboy:  "Where? Where?"
Barker:  "Just on the other side of the dome, right over there!  Visit all the exciting games of the midway, and don't forget the show, starting in only ONE HOUR!  See the Amazing Bundini Twins DEFY GRAVITY!  Watch the lion wrestlers tame the savage beasts with their BARE HANDS!"
Gutboy:  "To the concession stand!"

In the background, dozens of Painted Men hurried about, opening the tents and stands along the midway and rushing into and out of the great geodesic dome.  The party quickly made their way to the promised concession stand, where they found a painted man just finishing the set-up of his booth.

Gutboy:  "What have you got?"
Painted Man:  "Fire beetle glands!  On stick!"  (holding out a skewer of freshly-fried still-glowing glands)
Gutboy:  "I need cotton candy!"

The Painted Man handed Gutboy a stick covered with tightly-wound gray strands of what might be some sort of subterranean candy.  He took a small strand and tasted it, finding that it stuck to his fingers and lips tightly - in fact, he could no longer open his mouth at all.

Gutboy:  "Mmmmph!"
Painted Man:  "Sticky! Yes!  From spiders!"

Gutboy borrowed a knife from his fellows to cut away the spider-silk that masqueraded as delicious cotton candy, badly slicing his lips up in the process.  The painted man offered up other goodies - "Baked people feet!  Bucket o' entrails!" - but there were no takers.  They bid farewall to the greasy, grotesque foods of the stand and picked another tent at random.

Inside this second tent they found an unattended fortune-telling machine.  The machine was a wooden box, on top of which sat the carved and painted upper torso of gypsy woman.  The box had a coin slot, and small plaque reading "10 gp".  Netal ordered his slave Roger to deposit 10 gp, and Roger dutifully obeyed.  A mechanical voice sounded from within the box:  "Ask your question"

Netal quickly asked, "Are the clowns going to try to kill us?".  The mechanical voice replied "Probably eventually, but in the meantime, enjoy the show."  As it finished its answer, the "10 gp" plaque withdrew and was replaced with a "100 gp" plaque.  The party made mental note of this divination machine, and vowed to leave before the show finished.

As there was still time to kill before the circus began, they picked a door at random, and found it bore a sign reading "The Amazing Subsurface Freak Show."  They had Roger open the door - the room beyond was empty, with nothing but empty shelves and two more doors.  One door had "Bee Bearded Lady" written upon it, and the other was marked "More Exhibits This Way!"

The party decided to view the Bee Bearded Lady, and had Roger once again open the door.  Behind the door was an irregularly shaped room, divided in the middle by a wall of thick glass.  On the other side of the glass, the party saw another door, and a skeleton sprawled on the ground.  The skeleton had a "beard" of aluminum hexagon-shaped mesh loosely hanging from its skull.

And here we ran out of time - further exploration of the Subsurface Freak Show will have to wait til the next session.


  1. I love the Morlocks; they're my favourites.

  2. Me too. In fact I think there should be tv show about them :)