session recap, 2/23/2020

Biff the Fighter (6)
Assorted Henchpersons / Temporary PCs:  JoJo the Healer (5), Phil the Healer (5), Misty the Siren

Phil walked over to the sarcophagus - it had been smashed open at one end, revealing bones, a broken staff, and a shattered skull.  He then checked out the chests - they had three locks apiece securing them.

Biff examined the urn - the large stopper was sealed in place with gold fill.  He ignored Phil's suggestion to "push it over and smash it!" and pried the fill out with a dagger.  He then lifted the stopper off the urn - and a genie burst forth in a puff of smoke, and totally wasn't a giant blue Will Smith.  Not even remotely.
Genie:  "I've been trapped in there forEVER!  In thanks, I grant you three wishes!"
Phil: "Like anything we want?  Treasure?"
Genie:  "Not exactly.  Think of it more as favors I can do for you."
Phil:  "So not magic at all?  Lame."
Genie:  "Quiet.  I wasn't even giving you any.  They're for Biff."
Biff:  "OK, can you open that treasure chest?"
Genie: "You bet!"

The genie walked over to the treasure chest, and using his incredible strength, pulled the lid up and open - shouting "OUCH! what was that! oh poison", before toppling over, turning even bluer than he was.  As Phil said "Seriously?  The genie DIED?", JoJo ran over and used Neutralize Poison on the genie.  The genie bounced back to his feet, shouting "Wish number one, granted!"  Peering into the chest, Biff saw that it had 10,000 gems worth at least 50gp each.

Biff then asked the genie to open the second chest, being careful of poison traps this time - the genie did so, and inside that chest was 10,000 platinum pieces.

The party then stared at the walls for a bit, confused as to what to do next.  Phil put the Monocle of True Seeing to his eye, allowing him to see both a secret door next to the northwest statue, but also that there was a cavity BENEATH the northwest statue.

Biff, Phil, JoJo, and Misty all gathered around the statue and tried pushing it aside - but they were not strong enough.  Biff was forced to use his third wish to get the genie to help - with all of them together, they were able to slide the statue, revealing a ring attached to a chain, disappearing into the stone floor.  Biff gave the chain a yank, and the secret door slid open.

Genie:  "That's it for wishes!  Gonna stick around and watch though, should be entertaining!"
Phil:  "What?  You won't help?  Just a little magic?"
Genie:  "Fine!"  (shuffling through list of djinni magic powers) "Oh! Right! Create Food and Water!  Here, a HAM SANDWICH! WITH DIJON!"

Phil at the sandwich, and the party proceeded through the secret door.  The corridor beyond wound its way to a pair of one-way secret doors that led back to already-explored parts of the dungeon, albeit with brand new pit traps (that Biff fell into, only taking minor damage).  They spent a good deal of time trying to figure out where the actual Tomb of Acererak COULD be, not believing that the last room they were in was the actual tomb.  Eventually the genie got bored and disappeared ("I've got drying paint that needs watching!")

Finally, the party re-read the riddle - the last sentence was "You've left and left and found my Tomb and now your soul will die."  Phil grumbled that the corridor took a RIGHT after the secret door, not a left, but JoJo led them back anyways.  Looking left as soon as he passed through the secret door, he saw a keyhole in the wall.

Phil inserted the gold key into the keyhole, and the wall slid down, revealing a small chamber.  In the floor of this room was another keyhole - Phil walked up and put the gold key into this keyhole, and the key EXPLODED, blowing Phil into the ceiling.  JoJo rushed over and used his healing magic to restore Phil to life.

Biff inserted the bronze key and turned it - nothing happened.  Confused, he tried again - still nothing.  After some discussion, Biff gave it one last try - and the floor began to rise beneath his feet.  The party rushed out of the room, as a mithril vault rose up, filling the empty space.  The vault door had a ring set into it, and Biff pulled it, revealing what was surely the true Tomb of Acererak.

Inside, there was:
a. A giant pile of jumpsuits and wallets, much like the people of Under-Miami wore
b. 97 base 10 gp gems and 3 huge gems (a 10000 gp peridot (so Gygax), a 50000 gp emerald, and a 100000 gp black opal)
c. 12 potions and 6 scrolls
d. A ring, a rod, a staff, a net, a robe, and a pair of boots
e. Three swords and a spear
f. A pile of bone dust, near which sat a skull with gems in its eye-sockets and tooth-sockets

Biff walked in to gather up the loot (with the exception of the jumpsuits and wallets) - but as he did so, the bone-dust rose up, forming itself into a human shape, making mystical gestures.  He froze in fear, waiting for the apparation's next move, but it just waved its hands around for a bit and collapsed back into a pile of dust.  He shrugged, gathered up the loot, and walked back out into the corridor, ignoring the skull.  Phil held the monocle up one last time, and looked around the room - he saw screaming souls trapped in the evil skull's jewels, being slowly devoured -  and then the monocle then shattered - its power had been exhausted.

The two healers, JoJo and Phil, were also capable of using teleport spells, due to the incredible poor design skills of the class's author.  Biff divvied up the loot, and held onto the emerald, opal, net, robe, boots, 3 swords, crown and scepter.  They split the other coins and the cheap gems up among themselves, and JoJo and Phil grabbed the potions, scrolls, ring, and rod.  Misty, too, held many coins and potions.

JoJo first teleported Biff back to the Blessed Expeditionary Company Headquarters in Under-Miami.  He arrived in the middle of a crime scene, with yellow tape all over the place, outlines of bodies in tape on the floor, and CSI Miami technicians examining the room.

Misty was not so lucky.  Phil teleported her, and she appeared in the air 500' above the building.  She instantly turned herself into a bird using her siren powers, dropping all the coins and other loot she was holding.  The CSI techs were about to question Biff when they heard the clattering of coins and gems bouncing off the roof and the shattering of potion bottles.  Passers-by began shouting "Free money!" and began pouring into the building, tearing through the crime tape to get to the stairs leading up to the roof.  The CSI techs joined them as the citizenry looted Misty's lost share of the treasure, and Biff was able to sneak away.

JoJo and Phil needed a day to rest before they could re-use their teleport spells - but oddly, they didn't appear in the BCE HQ the next day.  At a loss for what could have happened, Biff and Misty told Gutboy and Rolf of their adventures, Biff sold his gems and various bits of treasure, and had his magic items identified as two worthless cursed swords (the Under-Miami sage placed an orange sticker labelled CURSED on both of them), a sword of defending +4, a net of snaring, a robe of eyes, and boots of levitation.  The platinum and gems from the two chests turned out to be worthless illusions, sadly.

Gains:  10,000 cp, 10,000 worthless gems, 50k gp emerald, 100k gp black opal, sword of defending +4, net of snaring, robe of eyes, boots of levitation
Kills:  almost a genie, but not quite
Losses:  JoJo and Phil ?  WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED ?