session recap, 12/12/2012

Mongo the Fighter (4), his henchpersons "Bunny" the Thief (2) and William the Sentinel (1), and his soil-bearer Malazar
Gutboy the Cleric (4), his henchman Trezgar the Elf (1) and his blink dog Rufus II
George P. Burdell the Cleric (3) and his henchmen, Slick Eddie the Thief (2) and Seegar the Elf (1), and his dog
Razoe the Fantra Paladin (3) and his henchman Skwisgar the Elf(1)

When last we left our intrepid explorers, the murderous foursome and their retinue were interrogating a giant brain in a jar. They turned around, and noticed Gutboy (who had been agitating to befriend the brain) was gone - presumably off to take a leak in some obscure corner of the dungeon.  They wrapped up their increasingly hostile discussion as follows:

Razoe: "Where did your goblins go?"
Brain: "They have gone to find more of their kind, and bring them back to me"
Razoe: "Make them bring us back gold"
Brain: "Of course! It will take a few days, but I will gladly do this"
Mongo: "They should raid Chelmsfordshire.  Here, let me get you some directions..."
Razoe: "We need a token of your good faith here if we're going to trust you"
Brain: "You already took everything I have from that cabinet, and I've told you what it all does, and I'm bringing you gold"
Razoe: "What else can you do for us?"
Brain: "If you go back to the teleportation circle, I can use my mental prowess to transport wherever you desire in the dungeon"

George began taking practice swings at the glass jar - as he did so, there was a noise from the other room.  The brain had telekinetically jostled Skwisgar awake, and he was standing above Seegar's corpse holding a bloody knife - the possessed elf had slit Seegar's throat!

Battle was joined, and George was subjected to an intense psychic attack as he smashed the jar open, and his nose began bleeding profusely.  Razoe beat the hostile Skwisgar into a coma, while the rest of the crew slashed at the immobile brain - who despite just sitting there proved quite difficult for the party to hit.  Regardless, probability was on our anti-heroes' side, and the brain was eventually slain.

Gutboy appeared as the battle wrapped up, and dispensed some precious divine healing upon Skiwsgar.  Razoe informed the murderous elf that his misbehavior while possessed meant that he was being docked pay for this trip to the dungeon.  Skwisgar sulked, and muttered that slain Seegar "had it coming anyhow and what's the big deal."  The party was unmoved by this.

The group headed back to the Cod-Man lair, only passing a trio of starving and fungus-infected moktars lost in the dungeon and begging for handouts - they were pointed in the direction of the goblin lair, where they presumably went to feast upon the dozens of carcasses that had been left behind.  Once the crew arrived at the Cod-Man lair, Chief Pyceen was ecstatic at their success, and proclaimed them worthy of the tribe's greatest honor - they were to be allowed to use the evolution chair to devolve into Cod-Men and fertilize a clatch of eggs floating in the water nearby.

None of the party wanted to become a fish-daddy, so the clearly disappointed chief told his underlings to "have at it", and they began spraying wildly all over the egg clatch.  This dungeon moment proved to be uncomfortably awkward, so the party made some hurried excuses and rushed away.

Reviewing their options, they decided once again to skip the tax-man, and go straight to Lugosi, and from their head to Denethix. Sadly, the Festival of Fangs wasn't scheduled for another week, so they passed through Lugosi without stopping.  In the fields outside the town they ran across a group of bandits - they panicked as Rufus blinked into the middle of their encampment and mauled one of their fellows, and ran away screaming "Ghost Dog!"  One bandit was paralyzed by Gutboy's magic, and he was forcibly enlisted to be one of Mongo's dirt-bearers - Gutboy informed him his new name was officially Dirtbag.

Upon reaching Denethix, they passed a unit of the Fist, and Dirtbag immediately ran off into the crowd.  The presence of the Fist deterred the boys from delivering the murderous justice that Dirtbag so rightly deserved for abandoning his duty, and instead they went to the temple of Science to sell off certain of their scientific wares - the broken laser rifle and the functioning laser pistol.  The tale of the Evolution Chair was pronounced "Highly Scientific!" and much acclaim was accrued by our heroes.

The final encounter of the evening was with an old lady, who approached the four heroes as they walked down the Street of Temples.  Her eyes were swirling with rainbow colors, a sign of divine possession, and she beckoned them into an alley.  Gutboy began praying out loud to Nisus, but after the old lady shouted "That's not even how it works! She can't hear you!" he relented, and followed the other three and the old lady into the alleyway.

Gutboy: "So how does it work?"
Old lady: "You have to be in the presence of a God's Eye.  I had thought your flubbed sacrifice at the temple either an act of extreme cleverness, frustrating the desires of both Nisus and Kiod, or an act of utter buffoonery. I see that it was in fact buffoonery.  You are aware, of course, that this vessel speaking to you is possessed by a god.  Or perhaps you are not.  You stand in the presence of Wurgol, the god of cutlety!"

Wurgol launched into a discussion on the useless vanity of Nisus and Kiod, and how there was a cabal of gods interested in greater things.  He instructed the party that they could contact him or others like him at the booth holding Nisus' God's Eye - they found it extremely easy to block her transmissions without her even knowing, and it was a secure place to communicate.  He further told them that they should tell him of any unusual transmissions or "computers" they found in the dungeon - this cabal of gods had sensed unusual energies from within the mountain.

Gutboy: "Don't I need Nisus to get spells?"
Wurgol: "Don't be ridiculous. The level of power you're accessing is generally available, you don't need a god to access nanocytes for the programming you're attempting.  When the time comes, I shall act as your patron - forget about Nisus.  Both her and Kiod are disgusted with your performance, and I can't imagine either trying to contact you again."
Gutboy: "So we can just cast spells? We don't need the gods?"
Wurgol: "Not yet, that comes later.  Are you paying attention?  Sometimes I wonder why we don't just wipe the lot of you off the earth with our lasers, instead of protecting you."

George genuflected for a bit and acted deferential, and Wurgol informed the crew that they shouldn't approach the old woman should they meet her again - she would remember nothing of this, and would no longer be possessed.  The vessel of Wurgol then walked away, and the party was left to ponder the secrets they had been given.

Gains: none
Kills: Giant brain, four bandits
Losses: Seegar, the opportunity to fertilize fish eggs


  1. Those cod-men really demonstrate why it's better to fight for money rather than honour.

  2. I don't enjoy most session reports, but I do always enjoy these :)